It Is Written

The Days You Don't Love Him

2010-07-02T22:27:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had those days where you look at your significant other and question if you can really spend the rest of your life together? The day before you were madly in love; wanting him/her around every single minute of every single day, for every singly breath you take. Then the next day, it's like someone flicked the light switch.

I live in dread of that day. The day the light switches "off." However, it always seems to find me. In every serious relationship i've been in, there is a moment when I suddenly loose interest and everything changes. He no longer looks good, the way he walks bothers me, the conversation leaves me rolling my eyes.

The problem is not him. The problem is 100% mine to own. I've lost one "perfect" guy because the switch came and I left him. My eye began to wander. I began to wonder what I was missing. I felt trapped. Now it's happening again and I'm so scared. I don't want to loose another great guy because i'm a mess. I want to get married. I want to be with someone. I don't want to feel trapped. I want to be happy.

So as of right now, I suffer in silence. Hoping that those feelings of want and desire come back. What is wrong with me? This is the third time this has happened. I don't want to discard good people forever.

I don't want to hurt anyone else.

Will this ever change?

GOD, PLEASE NOT AGAIN!

Memorandum

2009-05-21T07:03:00.000-07:00

Memo

to: Baby Boomers,

It is time for you to retire. Do you understand that because you fail to retire you are setting of a chain of economical issues that are sure to affect us for the next 20 years. Let me break it down for you because clearly you DON’T get it. (step 1 leads to step 2, etc.)

1. Economy: The bottom fell out during the years of the Bush. Stocks dropped. Spending stopped. Companies flopped.
2. Baby Boomers: You lost ½ of your 401k and retirement income so now you think you need to stay at work longer because 1) you need to build your money back up and 2) your 20 year old children are dependent on you because *GASP* they have yet to find a job post college and have thousands upon thousands in student loans.
3. Recent grads can’t find jobs because job opportunities are limited. Why are they limited? Because baby boomers won’t FREAKING retire. Now the few jobs that are available are taken by those with 10-30+ years of experience. In these trying times what HR representative would hire a recent graduate with intern experience over someone with 10-20+ years. (yes it’s true- Those with more experience are now competing in lower-end jobs because they are looking for ANYTHING that will help them pay the bills).
4. So Mom and Dad, here is the synopsis. The reason why your recent graduates stay at home longer, mooching off of you is because you and your MASSIVE baby boomer co-workers won’t MOVE THE HECK OUT THE WAY. Here’s my poem.

Ode to Old People

Baby boomers won’t retire

Recent grads can’t get hired

Recent grads stay at home

Recent grads default on school loans

Recent grads can’t buy homes

Banks can no longer function alone

Government decides to lends them money

Taxes go up for everybody

Economy won’t go up

Recent grads still out of luck

Recent grads apply at Target

While waiting for a better job market

Recent grads goes back to school

Pays more money like a fool

20 years now have passed

Baby Boomers depart in masse

Who is there to take their place?

My five degrees can’t replace

The work experience you’ve snatched away

Drake performes Live

2009-05-15T12:27:00.000-07:00

Photo from MuchMusic

Man, all the cameras. I'm getting less and less excited about Drake and more and more concerned about the choas.

My Place and Sidelines Restaurants in the Washington Post

2009-05-15T05:27:00.000-07:00

Struggling Restaurants Tap Into Md. Night Life
The crowd enjoys the music at My Place Sports Bar, but restaurants that transform into night spots have become an issue in the Maryland suburbs. (By Dominic Bracco Ii For The Washington
By Ovetta WigginsWashington Post Staff Writer Friday, May 15, 2009

Several restaurants in Prince George's and Montgomery counties have come up with an unorthodox way to stay afloat in today's economy: charge people to come through their doors.
With the new nighttime cover charges, restaurants are adding live bands, karaoke nights and pool tables to lure customers, said Kathie Durbin, chief of licensure, regulation and education for the Montgomery Department of Liquor Control.

"In this economy, people are trying to be creative," she said.

The restaurants are not breaking any regulations as long as they continue to serve food, Durbin said. The liquor control board routinely checks that restaurants, regardless of whether they provide entertainment, take in no more than half their revenue from alcohol sales, she said.
In Prince George's, restaurants with liquor licenses are required to receive liquor control board approval to offer new attractions. But some Prince George's residents complain that a handful of restaurants have essentially turned themselves into nightclubs. They are asking the county to provide better oversight.

"We have to find a better way of managing them," said Phil Lee, president of the Kettering Civic Federation.

Lee said that a nightclub crowd is different from a restaurant crowd and that nightclubs are more apt to breed violence. He cited a shooting this year at Sidelines Restaurant in Largo that left a man dead, linking the incident to a change in clientele.

Del. Michael L. Vaughn (D-Prince George's) said he is concerned that some restaurants have misrepresented themselves to the public.

"I've never been to a restaurant that charges a cover charge," Vaughn said. "I think we need to look at how we are doing things in this particular sector, set some guidelines and regulations."
Adrianne Goode, the owner of Peachez restaurant in Upper Marlboro, said she wants to start offering karaoke and a disc jockey. Currently patrons listen to live jazz music without paying a cover charge.

"The economy has really hurt us," Goode said. "A lot of people are not eating out . . . and on top of that, we are competing with D.C. venues. . . . We need to provide our clients [with] entertainment."

Franklin D. Jackson, chairman of the Prince George's liquor control board, said the board plans to hold public hearings in the next several weeks to discuss the operations of several restaurants, including Sidelines, My Place Sports Bar & Grill in Mitchellville, the Half Note in Bowie and Peachez.

Read the entire article at http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/05/14/AR2009051403990.html?hpid=moreheadlines

Hating on the Word Hater

2009-05-14T13:56:00.000-07:00

Well since everyones seems to be currently voicing their opinions about being a "Hater" I thought i'd catch the wave and Re-post a blog I wrote on this subject over two years ago. Yes, yall are behind! lol/jk. Read a Very Smart Brothers' thoughts on the subject and then read mine.

I hate the term hatin." Just because you have an opinion about something that happens to be negative doesn't mean your a hater. Sometimes it's not even negative, it's just honest. We can't always have good opinions about something and everyone has different view points. Now it seems that if we don't preface our comments with, "I'm not hating but..." then we are cast aside with the rest of the "haters."

Shouldn't we be able to express our opinion be it, positive or negative, without being called a hater just because we don't like it. If a hater = someone who has a negative opinion, THEN where would the world be without hater's. We need both.

In that case:

Yes, I'm hating on George Bush and I can't wait till he's out of office
Yes, I'm hating on Kiamsha alumni who haven't once come back to mentor/help these kids
Yes, I'm hating on Rihanna's new song. WHO IS SHE? I just don't like it!! I'm not hating on the child. I could care less about her.

Yes, I'm hating on Usher and R.Kelly's new song. They could have done better. Point blanck, PERIOD. I'm not hating on them. I love both of them.

On the other hand......

I'm loving lupe fiasco's song "He say, she say" for shedding some light on the "absentee father" and its OBVIOUS affect on today's black youth. "Give them a fighting chance."

I'm loving those who have come back to help and be in the conference
I'm loving the fact that David has RSVP'd for the Saturday Academy Alumni program this weekend. I haven't seen him in a while. Now if we could just see John.
Posted by Deja~I~Am at 13:17

The answer to the question in women's heads

2009-05-13T05:41:00.000-07:00

"yeah you cute but please don't let that go to yo head, cuz the ish that you won't do shawty anotha one will."

- My bruh

And therein lies the problem with our men. SMH. I'm through trying to rationalize them or explain what they really mean. Here it is in a nutshell.

You nasty bums are shallow. (and that was the nice version).

If you need further proof please read Demetria L. article in Essence this month. What a mess. Further proof, one guy said, "If your hip to butt ratio isn't on point, then I can't get into a serious relationship with you."

MISS ME WITH THIS NONESENSE

It's time for the brackets

2009-05-12T08:02:00.001-07:00

THE BEST RAPPER ALIVE BRACKET!!!! Download your bracket at http://www.vibe.com/bestrapperever/downloads/BestRapperEver_Brackets.pdf/

I want to know who you have going all the way!!

Competition begins Monday, May 18! So hurry up and do this.

Weekend Warrior has fizzled

2009-05-08T11:19:00.000-07:00

I can't get my mind around this weekend. so let me write it out.

Friday: NOTHING! Thank goodness. I don't want to go anywhere or do anything. I am pooped. Not necessarily tired, but just pooped. This would have been a great day to snuggle and watch movies with Ant.M. Oh well.

Saturday: My sister wants me to go back to Baltimore again for this model call. :-\ We'll see if I feel like going. At the moment, who knows. And then I have to go see CC dance at Towson for their fashion show. It's her last performance so i have to go.

Sunday: Church. Then, I'm supposed to go see KC sing up at Indulj. I have to make that as well.

Next weekend:
Friday: Coctails at the Spy Museum with Shannon.
Saturday: Drake Comes to town. Big Hooplah. A whole bunch of my Alpha friends are coming to town, so this may lead to some Sunday events as well.
ANTHONY COMES HOME.... HELLO!!

Next Next Weekend
Friday: Surgery
Saturday: 1. Sisters brunch at Cafe Promenade 2. Wedding rehearsal
Sunday......

GOSH. I'm pooped!

2009-05-06T10:39:00.000-07:00

It isn't the big troubles in life that require character. Anybody can rise to a crisis and face a crushing tragedy with courage, but to meet the petty hazards of the day with a laugh--I really think that requires SPIRIT.

- Jean Webster, "Daddy Long Legs"

I'll love you when your hair turns gray girl; and i'll still want you when you gain a little weight, girl...

2009-05-04T08:19:00.000-07:00

Musiq Soulchild provides the musical accompaniment for this post.

My friend went to visit his girl last night. She’s pretty. Medium to long hair, lighter skin tone and freckles. He was ghastly shocked, however, when she stepped out of the house, and the side of her head was shaved off, with a natural hawk sticking up in the middle.

Talking to him this morning really opened my eyes. I ranted to him, not to be one of those “brainwashed” black men who only like their light-skinned girlfriends to have long hair. In response, he simply asked me if I had seen her picture, which I’m sure he snapped for “evidence.” I had not but I was sure it couldn’t be that bad.

He sent it over and Gasp, her hair was drastically different. You could tell her motivation was the Cassie/J.Davey look (see below. For privacy reasons I will not be uploading her pic). I stared at it for a minute to see if I liked it. Honestly, I didn’t but I shot it off to j.a.c to see if maybe something was wrong with me. She liked it. “well she's a cute girl so that helps. she's wearing her hairstyle with confidence and sometimes no matter what the hairstyle looks like, confidence is all you need to rock it.”

So anyway, because I knew my guy friend, I spent the next 20-30 minutes trying to convince him NOT to stop talking to her. Our convo went something like this (snipet).

Me: some people think that looks good! I'm sure it will grow on you. I've gotta see it in person! It may look better. It may grow on me.
Him: i dont know bout that, its crazy
Me: don't be a jerk and stop talking to her. I will beat you up. I know you are not that shallow.
Him: lol ill see
Me: wow.. you really are that shallow.
Him: No I’m not
Me: you're lucky my work phone is not letting me call 240 right now for some reason. lol. You know I was about to call you!
Him: Good, cuz I don’t wanna hear it. LOL
Me: HA HAHAHAH. Here are some pictures of singer j.davey & cassie. Both rock the hawk
Him: lol and that’s where she got it from, they look a mess.
Me: well at least she's edgy. We gotta give her credit for that.
Him: if u wanna call it that. she just looks so different now.

And that’s when I finally got it. My friend is no different than every other guy out here who suffers from the “This is not what I signed up for” syndrome. For example when after two people get married, the woman begins to pick up weight, or stops updating her wardrobe, or seizes to wear makeup. Most men have serious problems with it.

I remember talking to MJ one day and he explained that guys have to be attracted to the girl and think she’s beautiful if they decide to be with her. There is no “well she has SWAG and that kinda makes her cuter.” NO, either she is or she isn’t. And if she isn’t, than for most guys, there is no need for a relationship.

My other friend DG said, “I don’t know why girls haven’t figured this out yet. Stay in the gym and get your hair done. It’s that simple. We don’t ask for much, but yall just don’t get it.” When I said, well we have a lot to do/pay for; nails, accessories, etc. He said, Ain’t nobody tell you to do all that. Men know that girls like a certain type of body, so what do we do? We go to the gym. It’s that simple.”

So, I say all that to say, if a women changes her look mid-relationship, this can potentially cause a serious problem. But should women while stating their wedding vows pledge to “love, cherish, and never change as long as we both shall live?” On the other hand, it is important to please your mate. What do we do.

What is your take on this conundrum?

("Just as long as your love don't change." - Musiq Soulchild fades out.)

How do you feel about Waterbording?

2009-05-04T06:35:00.000-07:00

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/05/03/AR2009050301739.html

Please share your comments.

2009-04-28T05:26:00.000-07:00

After contemplating which bike I would get between the Suzuki GSX 600 (on the left) or the Yamaha R6. I have decided to go ahead and get the GSX 600 because its a little more user friendly and this will be my first bike! It's sexy ain't it!

DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND LISTEN TO THIS

2009-04-24T10:24:00.001-07:00

http://octobersveryown.blogspot.com/2009/04/acoustic-best-i-ever-had.html

Weekend Warrior

2009-04-24T07:02:00.000-07:00

Friday: After work Drinks at a cool bar in DC and a Movie. We are going to see obsessed. I just want to see if Bey SUCKS. I know, Ima hater.

Saturday: Saturday Brunch with the ladies at an outside patio restaurant. Then taking the motorcycle out for a spin via my friend, D. Then, Shannon's B-day outing.

Sunday: Church and then business meeting to finally get this company off the ground.

Great fulfilling weekend!

Friday Sickness

2009-04-24T05:59:00.000-07:00

Why is it that everytime Friday rolls around and i'm ready to PAR-TAY!! I get an uncontrollable headache that starts at my temples cirlces my eyes, goes through my nostrals and heads down to my neck and settles in my back!!! I feel like jabbing my fists into my sockets (which I have to carefully refrain from touching because I can't mess up my eye makeup. :-/ I'm going out tonight!!).

Those who know me know that I suffer from chronic headaches and/or migraines. (SHOOT I FORGOT TO GET THAT NEW PERSCRIPTION OUT OF THE PHARMACY). I have some very strong (read narcotic) medicines but I hate taking them because they wipe me out and make me feel woozy (read high)! So instead, I used to pop excedrin everyday or every other day. Now, I can't even take that anymore because as my doctor explains it, "my body has developed a dependency on the medicine and waits for it when a headache arrives." So everyday, I exist with a dull headache. It never really goes away. I just live with it.

My new perscription medicine, which I forgot to take out, is a pill that I will pop everyday that will hopefully reduce the frequency and intensity of these headaches.

Anyway, I say all this to say, I'm STILL GOING OUT TONIGHT!!!! Yes sir! I refuse to stop my life because of these things.

They Photoshopped the Prez

2009-04-23T13:39:00.000-07:00

To add insult to injury. They photoshopped the president in this picture. The shorts he was wearing in on the magazine below were BLACK not RED!! This pic has been floating around for a while and everyone has seen it so the change was blatantly obvious. READ about the outrage here. But for those who want the short version, read my favorite comments below

"This is not just any man whose half-naked body you are exploiting with your prurient self interest. This man is the chief representative of our society to the rest of the world. And so, when you use and cheapen his likeness as you have, you take something from all of us."

I believe it is disrespectful to have our awesome President of the United States, shirtless on your cover - however there is no denying that Mr. Obama is hot and looks great !!!!!!!

What a stupid idea to change the original picture which looked great. Only shows how stupid newpaper editors have become in this country. Two thumbs down for the Washington Post. The Predident should sue you to publish the original version.

Come on now, is there really this many people upset over this? You sound like my grandparents bickering and giving a lecture at Thanksgiving dinner. Do us a favor, go back to reading AARP Magazine and playing scrabble. Lighten up people!

cool picture. We should all have a look on how he is running his job and not how he is looking like in shorts. I feel with a pic like this, you show us all, that a president is by the end of the day also only a human being.

I think it is tasteless and part of this outrageous celebrity culture tjhat transfomrs people in products for consumption and idolization of appearances, superficiality and fashion styles. Not at all appropriate for a president and senseless. People didn’t vote for him becasue of this physical appearance; they voted for him because he is a thinker whose capital is his brain and knowledge about issues and capacity to lead , tackle and resolve the pressing problems of the country, and inspire. We have an intelligent, smart, competent and healthy president. I am disappointed in the magazine for having fallen into this culture that is not helping the country.

Get a grip people, it’s just a picture. He looks like he just left the gym or on vacation or something. It’s nothing provocative at all. He’s not the idol god everyone keeps trying to make him out to be, he is a middle aged man, emphasis on man, who happens to be the President. He’s showing people how to chill and relax sometimes. You don’t have to always act like you have a broom stuck up your A**.

I explained my thoughts in my previous blog below.

Anyway, just though i'd post the full image.

Confession: I've been leading a double life!

2009-04-23T06:40:00.000-07:00

The truth is. I have another blog

http://japerasworld.wordpress.com/

whew! I feel better.

.The End.

OH! ok..... :-? LOL

2009-04-23T05:46:00.000-07:00

Hmmmm. So of course this has sparked SO much discussion. My insider at the Washingtonian explained that even though this cover has only been officially released today, they have already recieved hundreds if not thousands of comments. They span the gamet of, this cover is racist, it's prodemocratic, it's antidemocratic, it's pro-republican, it's anti-republican.

Whatever it is, I know that i'm a little uncomfortable looking at my Prez in his trunks. But then someone on YouTube posted a video of all the presidents who were caught with their shirts off in photos. It appears Prez O was not the first one. Take a peak here.

What do you think?

.The End.

What are you trying to tell me?

2009-04-21T06:29:00.000-07:00

I think someone is trying to tell me something. I do this 8 to 5 thing as a contractor, knowing in the back of my heart that this is NOT where I want to be. Every now and then, I even get mad at where I am in my life and I couldn’t understand why things weren’t unfolding right for me. Now I do. This past week so many messages have been THROWN IN MY FACE. They are the answers to my question.

The Answer: I’m Lazy
Some people have that can’t stop, won’t stop, work work work drive. It’s innate in them. Sitting around, makes them frustrated. And although people from the outside looking in see me and think I do, I don’t.

I admire people like Diddy and especially rappers, all of them, because they hustle so hard. ALL the TIME. I’d rather sit and home and watch a movie. But most people who are wildly successful have that internal drive that won’t let them sleep at 2am when they have to wake up at 6am. Let me give you all the examples that have HIT me in my face in the past 7 days.

1) I follow Diddy’s tweets, and even though he’s sick as a dog this week, he is still inspiring himself to Dream big. He has started this whole LOCKED IN movement. What? That’s crazy. Even with a self-proclaimed fever of 103. (I lose productivity when I don’t feel “right” in the morning).

2) I read a Weezy article yesterday. He was explaining what it took to me a member of his group Young Money. I wish I could relocate the interview but he said something to the affect of “I never stop, I’m always running and I keep going. When I meet somebody that has that drive that can keep up with me I keep them around me because they have Young Money potential.’

3) Drizzy Drake did 3 mixtapes in an effort to PROVE and SOLIDIFY his audience. He says, he could have gotten a record deal after his first tape but it wasn’t time yet. So, instead, he grinded it out and did mixtapes for free. He said he had so many strikes against him, his teenage TV show, being from Toronto, Singing and Rapping, etc. but instead of letting his music dream go, he kept pushing and now, he says, it just adds to his story and makes him great!

4) Rev Run shared this with me this morning: “KID ROCK IS RELENTLESS. Author..-John Maxwell... While looking at Kid perform night after night for hours and hours and rehearse during the day.. I said to myself whoa this dude is amazingly talented! THEN as I saw the work ethic, I came to the conclusion That having talent is just the beginning.. God gives us talent and its up to us to cherish and develop it, so we can serve others and make God proud.. This dude would do whatever it took to rock the house and give the world a good time... Props to Kid! In conclusion I say... Practice Practice Practice! I read a quote that's fitting for this word of wisdom.. If I miss a day of practice, I know it.. If I miss two days of practice my manager knows it. If I miss three days of practice my audience knows it... Develop your craft everyone! Practice”

5) I finished reading one of my sisters books about a female African American Marketing Director at an all white pharmaceutical company. She worked long hours day after day, checking and rechecking her work. She was stressed but her determination literally paid off.

6) Then this morning I come to work and my co-worker shares with me his slide show presentation and went on to explain that this is his first presentation with the big wigs and has been working 50-60 hours a week and 4 hours plus on the weekends. When I asked why, he said simply, “well I’m highly ambitious.”

7) My sister just went off to do a photography shoot for her friend Toya who owns an online boutique last weekend. It’s small and simple, but she’s doing it! And in 10 years she may have 5 stores. I’m not mad. By the way, the pics turned out great!

8) Russell Simmons said in his book the difference between the average person and the most successful people are that the successful people follow through on their ideas. That’s it, simple DRIVE and FOLLOW THROUGH! That really hit me. I have so many dreams and ideas but I have not made any MOVES with any consistency.

Don’t you think someone is trying to tell me something?

I can’t stop

.The end.

Drakes Coming to me!!!

2009-04-20T09:02:00.000-07:00

Drake will be performing in Washington, DC on May 16, 2009 at Love nightclub.

I might actually have to make an appearance in LOVE!!! :-/
http://mymoodismusic.com/2009/04/17/drake-tour-dates/

From my sources I hear the tickets will be $50!!! Wowzers.

See you soon hun.. MUAH
.The end.

To my current headache

2009-04-17T13:56:00.001-07:00

PLEASE PLEASE headache go away. It's friday and i'm ready to Par-Tay

I PASSED

2009-04-16T06:53:00.000-07:00

Good News!! I passed my Praxis Exam.

I got 190 out of a possible 200 points!!!!!! The passing score was 164 and the average score was 165-187.

I KILLED IT!

Intro Intro Intro Introducing

2009-04-15T05:42:00.000-07:00

Hello Everyone. There is a new blog in the blogosphere. "Nike Boots: The Makings of an Urban Man from D.C." I am officially putting my stamp of endorsement on it. However, let me first disclose that I am in no way an unbiased follower of this blog!!

.The End.

You wanna go to Paris. I'll take you

2009-04-08T10:48:00.000-07:00

Need a vacay? Come away with me in the night! hehe
Follow me on a 36 hour getaway to Paris. Click through

1. Our itinerary
http://travel.nytimes.com/2008/10/19/travel/19hours.html

But of Course our first stop is the E. Tower. (if you can't see the interactive map click "view larger map" and have a look around. No like, for real. you can look around. How cool!

View Larger Map

2. We have to stop at the park we see along the way!! It's so beautfiful.
http://www.nytimes.com/slideshow/2008/06/29/travel/0629-PARIS_index.html

3. MMHMM let's grab some Parisian Chocalate (click the camera photographs- they are links)
http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2008/12/14/travel/20081214_PARIS_CHOCOLATE.html

4. Time to eat some real food and a brother is at grill. You know its on. This has audio so if you at work turn it down.
http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2008/07/15/dining/burgers-multimedia/index.html#

5. Designer Jean Paul Gaultier takes us on a personal tour. We are sooo VIP. Gotta check out the Hermes store!!! sigh
http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2008/09/28/travel/20080928_PARIS_FEATURE.html

6. The Parisian Churches are so beautiful
http://www.nytimes.com/packages/html/travel/20071007_CHURCH_FEATURE/index.html

7. Time is winding down. We have to speed through the rest
http://www.nytimes.com/slideshow/2008/10/19/travel/1019-MARAIS_index.html

8. What a great trip...wait! What did you say. Paris fashion is going on sale in January. We have to go back!!
http://travel.nytimes.com/2009/01/04/travel/04globespotters.html

I'm tired. How about you?

2009-04-03T05:24:00.000-07:00

http://photos.essence.com/galleries/jayz_and_beyonces_anniversary

B looks great in most of those. Really simple. Where was I during these years, cuz the B I know always dressed horribly and had either an obvious lacefront or seabiscuit hair. And by the way I am not a B stan in anyway, so i'm just being honest.

By the way, saw my girl Teedra last night. She was awsome of course. Stood behind a -not so skinny - tipsy women for 2 hours as she pushed her big poofball hair in my face just to see her. My back was aching and my heels hurt but once Teedra got on I danced the night away. I may even have sweated out some water weight while there cuz lawd knows it was hot in there.

2009-04-01T16:10:00.001-07:00

2009-04-01T11:35:00.000-07:00

Today was a tempting day. I literally had to struggle to keep from giving in. I just wanted one, just one and I wanted it SO bad. I know you were just being nice but you can't tempt me like that. I can literally sense it on the floor next to me. Oh Lord give me strength.

Morning Musings

2009-03-31T05:32:00.000-07:00

SO!

The Kiamsha newsletter is going to be bomb! I love doing it because I love the layout and look of it! It's coming out tommorow. Visit our blog, KORE to take a peak.
_____________________________________________
So I need to stop myself from reading a specific blog that shall remain nameless. The posts and the commentors are so far twisted from being spiritually and morally correct that I begin to feel like a prude. NO, they are wrong! not me. The blog covers topics such as waiting 90 days before sex. Some people comment that- that's too long and they would opt to have j.o.'s on the side while waiting. WHAT? Forget the spiritual requirement to wait until marriage, these fools can't wait 90 days?!?!? Other topics that bothered me where concerning pre-nups, etc. It's not really the post perse that bothers me. It is the collective mindset of the commentors.

To be clear, I actually liked the blog. The blogger wrote exceptionally well and posted numerous descriptive stories that I ate up. But lately, I just can't do it anymore. Everything is not for everyone! I wish her blog and her followers the best but i'm turning in my membership card.
_______________________________

My sister had me cracking up on the train with her modern day descriptions of the story of Moses. I'm going to paraphrase our discussion but I hope I can get this right.

J.a.c: Did you know Moses was almost killed by Pharoah?
me: What? I don't remember that. Why?
j.a.c.: because he whipped an Egyption.
me: what?
J.a.c.: yea girl. Here's what it said. Basically, Moses saw one of his fellow Hebrews being whipped by an egyption. So Moses looked left, and then looked right -- as in checking for witnesses on the sneak tip-- then proceeded get a good slash in on the egyption himself.
me: LOL. Dang, Moses was DOWN for his people!
J.a.c: True. Then later he was trying to break up a fight between two Hebrews hommies and one of them was like. 'So what? You gonna beat me like you beat the egyption?' Moses was like, what? Somebody must have peeped me and the word got out!! It's all over the streetz now.
me: Dang, somebody snitched?!?!
J.a.c.: yep and Pharoah must have heard so he wanted to kill him
me: Wow, that was like modern day drama

Other modern day drama from the bible.
The first baby mamma drama- For Real
Abraham's wife Sarah couldn't have a baby. So Sarah told Abraham he could have a baby with her servent girl. After the baby was born Sarah started to get salty. Adding to the problem, the servent girl started feeling herself because she had Abraham's only son. Sarah just sucked it up.

Later, God told Sarah she would concieve. At first Sarah didn't believe it because she was... well.... let's be frank... menapausal. But alas, through the power of God, she did. So Abraham now had two baby mammas, who struggled to put up with each other.

One day, the two half-brothers were playing together and the servent girls son started picking on Sarah's son. Sarah got heated and told Abraham "Uh uh- this is not happening to my son. They got to go." Abraham was like, "dang!! You really going to ask me to kick my son and his mother out on the street?" Sarah was like, "this house is not big enough for the both of us."

Abraham was stressed. Finally, God came and told him, "listen to your Sarah, she is your wife. I will take care of your son."

So Abraham did as God told him. The servent girl and her son were kicked out to the wilderness and God provided them with food and water.

**Man, let this be a lesson.

eeeehhh

2009-03-30T05:48:00.001-07:00

I just really don't like winey, emotional men. It makes me so disgusted that I almost gag in my mouth. I mean really, "you're turning my OFF."

I honestly just don't understand it. Like, what made you like that? LOL. It's even more difficult for me because my normal personality is not winey and emotional. Yea, I get like that sometimes in different cirmcumstances but not on the regular. It's not my personality, so it's just so hard for me to put up with. WHY ARE YOU A MARSHMELLOW AND I'M NOT????? Cut the mess and get a backbone.

To be honest, I don't like that trait in girls either. Honestly, it could just be my "problem." My family always says that i'm mean and my boyfriend says that sometimes I lack that female mushiness. But so what? I can show proper compassion when the situation calls for it; if you're sincerely feeling down, if your team is officially out of the NCAA tournament, etc. but if its something stupid and/or it's just your normal personality, I'm just too through. Miss me with that and go on to the next person.

eh, that enough.

Falling head over heels

2009-03-27T08:59:00.001-07:00

Drake

So, I'm in love.

READ: http://blog.muchmusic.com/the-next-big-thing-drake/comment-page-1/#comment-19065

LISTEN: http://www.hiphopmusicdotcom.com/drake-so-far-gone-mixtape.html

I remember this dude from Degrassi. lol. I didn't pay him no mind. LOL. But to be fair to myself, I fell in love with his music first. I didn't even know this was the same person.

However, he said (and I'm paraphrasing) 'he looks at himself as a product, which he has to because when he comes on the stage the ladies have to swoon.' Somthing to that affect. If he gets a big head, my love will fade. DON'T let that happen please!! cuz I want to be down for him.

Eh, that's it.

Shhhh it's on the low

2009-03-27T06:22:00.000-07:00

Us with our girl

T Fans for Lyfe

So, I heard or rather read a rumor that Teedra Moses' album Young Lioness is out there -- somewhere. It's just on the low because I guess issues with the label and it coming out. She always claimed it was indefinitely postponed. WELL, some people have heard it! And I am supposed to be a part of that group who has.

MAAAAN, I'm on a mission. I'm gonna find it if I gotta call Teedra herself. If you have any clues, send them my way. If you don't get out of the way!

Hello World

2009-03-26T05:03:00.000-07:00

Today is the first day of the start of my new life. I feel like i'm in a rebirth stage and its totally necessary. When i re-emerge, I will be beautiful. Wish me luck. But right now, I just need to erase and start again from scratch.

Stage of Metamorphasis

Pupa: The Transition Stage
When the caterpillar is full grown and stops eating, it becomes a pupa. The pupa of butterflies is also called a chrysalis.
Depending on the species, the pupa may suspended under a branch, hidden in leaves or buried underground. The pupa of many moths is protected inside a coccoon of silk.
This stage can last from a few weeks, a month or even longer. Some species have a pupal stage that lasts for two years.
It may look like nothing is going on but big changes are happening inside. Special cells that were present in the larva are now growing rapidly. They will become the legs, wings, eyes and other parts of the adult butterfly. Many of the original larva cells will provide energy for these growing adult cells.

ROTFLOL

2009-03-25T11:37:00.000-07:00

My favorite Fmylife moments: Enjoy

Today, I went to the gym with two of my friends expecting to pay a guest fee but the cute guy working at the front desk let me in for free. On the way out after working out I started to flirt with him and he said "Don't flatter yourself, I just let you in because I'm lazy." FML

Today, a co-worker and I walked out of our office at the same time. He got in his car, which was parked right out front. I asked him what I had to do to get a sweet parking spot like that. He proceeded to roll up his pant leg and show me his prosthesis. He was in the handicapped spot. FML

Today, I was at my friends house celebrating his 16th birthday. I couldn't find my phone so I asked my friend's girl if I could borrow her phone to see if I could hear mine ringing. I dial my number and look down to find she has my number is saved in her phone as ASS FACE #3. FML

Today, I got up extra early to curl my hair because I wanted to look nice at school for a change. After coming downstairs my mom yells at me and says, "See, when you don't wake up on time your hair looks like that. You could have atleast combed it!" FML

Today, I got a phone call from a detective in response to my stolen car that has been missing since St. Patrick's Day. He told me that he had found my car, but was chuckling the whole time. Turns out, I had parked my car in a different lot. I haven't had it for a week. It was never stolen. FML

Today, I was at a sandwich shop and couldn't help but secretly remove a loose hair from a girl standing in front of me. I yanked it and she instantly began screaming and crying. It was in fact a very long mole hair. The thing started bleeding like a gunshot wound. My apologies went unnoticed. FML

Today, I suggested that my mother download Skype so we could video chat while I'm studying in London over the summer. After I had explained how it worked and that it was free, she said "Well...you'll only be gone for a few months. It's not really worth it." FML

Today, I decided to start working out because my friends said I'm scrawny and weak. I bought an expensive giant container of protein powder to take before during work outs. I wasn't strong enough to open the lid. FML

Today, I saw my boyfriend for the last time for two years. When we got back from dinner, we sat in his truck for a little while to talk. A few minutes later, my mom comes flying out of my house screaming, "Satan is here, and he is tempting you!" That is the last memory he will have of me. FML

some of these I feel really bad about. Boy, this was funny but now its depressing me........... LMBO

Boy on the Metro

2009-03-25T07:23:00.000-07:00

The boy in front of me on the subway train keeps his eyes pointed at the ground. His ripped army fatigued shoulder slung backpack exposes three binders and numerous pages of schoolwork thrown carelessly in between. Although he wears jordans they are team jordans. Symbolic of the fact that he tries to fit in but doesn't quite make it. His blue and grey plaid shirt covers a blue polo shirt that creeps up his neck to his thick unshapped hairline. while he readjusts himself, trying to find a " cool" stance and comfortable position against the poll, I want to scream, HAVE CONFIDENCE in yourself. He can't be any older than 14 and I see many of the insecurities that I used to have in his unsure gaze. If I could somehow magically impart to him everything I know now it would change his whole life or atleast allow him to avoid many uncomfortable moments, missed opportunities, missed fun, and regrets. Only if I could tell him get a shape up and atleast fake it till you make it. If I could just tell him to hold on becasue sooner rather than later most of those insecurities will fade away. Only if I could have known at 14 what I know at 23!! Only if I could spare him!!

Do you have confidence. Take the test http://www.theconfidentclub.com/calculator/index.htm

I got a 36

Its Pay Day BAYBAY

2009-03-20T05:29:00.000-07:00

I hope they got my timesheets over there. I faxed them in but the fax machine over here is sketchy. EEK!!! Hopefully, when I go over there today (I work 2 blocks from my contracting company) they will have my dough!!!

My version of RanDumb thoughts (I'm not a swagger jacker (j.a.c's blog) but I just had to today... Just a little bit)

I need to get my ticket. I'm going to Oklahoma in April and the Bahamas the first week of June. All this money is going out but all these bills just keep coming in.
Today, I think I'm going to ask someone out on a date. Any ideas of fun things to do?
Did I mention it was payday!!
I need a new good book to get me through the day. I started and finished one on Wednesday, I mean it was trash but I needed something on the train.
I forgot my headphones so no music today. My music isn't suitable to be played even on low tones because Pandora can throw some unexpected songs in the mix and obviously an Ipod without headphones just won't work.

I just need it to warm up outside. Just till the point when I don't have to wear these dang stockings. Or to the point when as I come up from the metro, I don't have to bite back the chill that runs through me.

Today, my co-worker said, "its just one of those days, huh." What? "Is it that transparent on my face," I asked. She said, "yep." I didn't get home till 12am last night and then had a serious discussion on the phone afterwards. Its going to be a rough one. Maybe I'll do a happy hour after this. That could be a good date right?

Eh, that's enough.

He Apologized Today (whatever)

2009-03-17T12:58:00.000-07:00

I know that's really big for him (rolling my eyes) but at this point is it a little too late? I know i'm over the issue but the fact that i'm fed up with it and really don't care anymore may be a sign that i'm over this whole "relationship." It was just too immature and didn't have a purpose.

I'm already a little wishy washy, espcially when the "relationship" is long distance. After weeks - and months in my case- of separation, I tend to "get over" missing the significant other which in essence is the same process of "getting over" a break up. So when he comes home it's essential that I see him in order to reinvigorate my commitment to the "relationship." Well, days passed and that has not happened, and now, I really have no drive or desire to make it happen.

I didn't apologize for anything, because its not my fault and I always apologize just to smooth things over. So in essence, I could apologize for "any miscommunication on my part" but thats a bull sh&* apology without any meaning or substance and I just don't feel like smoothing his ego over.

It's Tuesday. He's got four more days in town. Lets see if he comes to me because i think that's the only way its going to work at this point.

c'est la vie.

I think i'm going to do this

2009-03-17T08:52:00.000-07:00

CAREER FAIR On Monday, March 23rd, the Washington Wizards will present the Sports and Entertainment Career Fair. This Fair will give you the chance to meet with representatives from the best sports & entertainment companies in the Washington, DC area! Companies will be looking to fill full-time, part-time, and internship positions. The career fair will take place at Verizon Center from 2:00-4:30pm, each ticket costs $25 which includes admission to the career fair and an upper level ticket to the Wizards vs. Bulls game that night at 7pm! Click here to purchase tickets. http://www.verizoncenter.com/news/employment.shtml

I think I may actually go to this. I can go on my lunch break. Anyone who know me knows that I am desperatly seeking an "in" in the field of entertainment PR. I'm at a crossroads in my professional life right now and deciding whether to pursue my Teach for America contract or follow my passion in media and entertainment. This is a big decision and I have yet to make it. Currently, I am working on both, studying like CRaZY for the Praxis Teaching Certification exam, and networking, searching and applying for jobs/internships. This is all while in graduate school, working full time, completing my Kiamsha responsibilities and church. Whew!

The ball game at 7pm sounds nice. I think I will go by myself. It's in the upper seats and I will get some popcorn and go after work. I work right next to the verizon center. I am literally looking out my window at huge poster of Gilbert A. right now. And I don't have any commitments on Monday night, except Kiamsha, which I can miss.

I'm thinking about taking a board position at Teens Express - its a non-profit organization that works to foster the artistic creativity and skills of youth interested in performing arts. Thats cool. I mean I have done my share of performing in plays like "Our Town" "You're A Good Man Charlie Brown" "Peter Pan" and of course "Kiamsha" and singing has always been my thing. The only thing I can't do is dance, and thats funny because i've been dancing from the age of 4 all the way through senior year of high school.

But anyway Teens Express is similar in nature to Rush Philanthropic, which is dedicated to providing disadvantaged urban youth with significant arts exposure, access and education as well as providing exhibition opportunities to early and mid-career artists and artists of color.
Rush Philanthropic believes that if you give young people the opportunity to practice and appreciate art—whether poetry, music, dance or the visual arts—you will see lives transformed. Rush Philanthropic was founded by the Simmons Bros (Russell, Joe and Danny). I would LOVE to work there as well. It would be working in my field but in a positive, uplifting area.

I'm at lunch right now so i'll holla at yall later.

Morning Time Fun

2009-03-16T07:00:00.001-07:00

I had one of those mornings that you only see in the movies.

I parked my car at the metro parking garage and began walking down to the subway station. By some coincidence, I happened to look at the back of my stockings. EEEK! To my surprise I had four or five runs creeping up the back of my leg. I ran back to the car and contemplated stripping out of my tights even though it was barely 40 degrees outside and I had on peep-toe pumps without any nail polish (a definite no no). After baring down I walked back to the metro station attempting to ignore the stares of other commuters who were obviously thinking “Is she crazy, it is not that warm outside.” Finally, the doors open and I opt to sit at the seat behind a glass barrier to hide my bare legs.

30 minutes later I finally make it to my stop and immediately began searching for a CVS downtown. I have to find some tights ASAP! I call my office because by this time I am more than 5 minutes late and ask for directions to the closest CVS. Brenda gives me some very sketchy directions to a CVS supposedly around the corner and I start off in search of it. After two or three blocks of searching without any success I decide it’s time to ask someone.

“Those are some pretty legs.”

Shoot!!! It’s the homeless man sitting outside the coffee shop drawing attention to me. I say thank you politely and attempt to move on but CAN YOU BELIEVE this man starts yelling after me shouting more “compliments.”

Ignoring him I finally spot a woman to ask directions.

“The CVS that was up this street is no longer open,” she says. “The closest CVS is on 8th and E.” I am on 5th and G. The CVS is three blocks up and two blocks over. SIGH. I turn back around and trek up the street. Once again ignoring the stares while my toes begin to freeze (remember, I am wearing peep-toe pumps).

“Those are some pretty legs.” It’s him again. “I would love, I mean do anything to sleep with those legs…….…..”

Finally, I make it to the CVS and find the perfect pair of jet-black, smooth tights. They feel great. After I purchase them I ask if there is a restroom for customers. Of course there isn’t. I head back up the street and spot a Starbucks. As I pass I remember all Starbucks have a restroom. I head straight towards it. LOCKED. Restrooms are for Starbucks customers only. So, I purchase a white chocolate mocha and grab the key. I change into my tights before leaving and throw all the extra materials I am carrying such as the CVS bag, receipt, newspaper, etc. into the trash.

Finally, I head back to my job, three blocks up and two blocks over. By this time35 minutes have passed. “Not too bad,” I say to myself while sipping my white mocha. Dang, the barrister forgot the whipped cream. Oh well. Once I reach the front of my building I search for my ID badge. Hmmm, it’s not in my pocket and definitely not in my hand. “Gosh, please don’t do this to me.” It’s not in my purse either. Just GREAT! Maybe I threw it away with the newspaper. So I head back to Starbucks….. three blocks up and two blocks over.

On the way back I take a glimpse in the dark window of the building next to me and see my reflection. Dangnabit! Are you kidding me, my hair has frizzed on the right side of my head and the right side ONLY (It is rainy and humid outside, while still being cold). I washed my hair last night and woke up extra early to flat iron it…. For nothing!!!

I make it back to the Starbucks, grab the key and dig (I mean literally, into the trash can). Nada but I do find the receipt to CVS. It has the business number on it. I grab my cell out my bag and dial…. automated. I press all the wrong options and it takes me three tries to finally reach someone. It’s there!!! Finally, a break! I head up the block back to CVS and grab my ID.

I exit CVS and begin my trek, 3 blocks down and two blocks over. It is now 9:00am. Searching for my tights took one hour. I make it my cube and plop into my seat.

“It’s Jay,” I say to my boss. “You would not believe my morning. I will come down there to tell you all about it but I just called to let you know I’m in.”

*Sigh*

It’s only Monday.

Inspiration

2009-03-16T06:47:00.000-07:00

Note: Click image to view

Update

2009-01-21T17:48:00.001-08:00

My last blog actually makes me embarrassed because its so personal and people may look at me negatively but i'm going to keep it up there. Don't judge.

This just has to be said...

2008-12-04T08:16:00.000-08:00

You know my sisters have been calling my a snob for the past couple days/weeks. But really I'm not a snob. They've got it confused.

I have short patience for other peoples stupidity or their emotional issues. I fake like i'm concerned.... No.... I AM concerned but just not for very long or rather not with any depth. I can't make myself utterly breakdown or really empathize with them deep down in my heart to the point I would/COULD cry for them. Atleast not with any sincerity. I mean, I could fake it. Also, Outside of the times when I have too, I choose not to conform my opinions or desires for other people. In the past, i tried to, but i realized, by doing this, I hurt myself because it took too much strength for me. I found myself getting agitated or sick or upset. So now, I do what I want to do...up to the point that it will not literally hurt someone else. This may seem calloused, and maybe it is, but what's the alternative, always being pissed FOR THE BENEFIT OF SOMEONE ELSE?? I think not.

I know that none of this is probably making any sense. I'm just starting to understand this about myself while I type this is out.

However, I am a Gemini. And although I don't take to much stock in astrology, I do have double personalities. I really am an emotional being. So much so that it may seem that i'm weak. I'm a softy and things hurt my feelings really easily. Mean things people say about me really bother me. What people think of me really affects me. LOL! How can i be a bitch but then get upset when other people think negatively of me?

I don't understand how people put up with me. I'm such a tragic being. I don't know how my boyfriend does it. I'm a mess, but he seems to fit perfectly with all my pieces. Why? Because he lets me be who I am. He just lets me be.... Oh my... Lord please help me. This is not how you want me to be.

Things that make me happy

2008-10-28T09:41:00.000-07:00

1. singing in the basement by myself

2. kicking it with my girls in the house, talking about nothing

3. reminiscing about the past with my friends

4. the moment at the club when the beat drops to my favorite song

5. Watching movies all day on the couch with AJM

6. when lunch time rolls around at the job

7. when I finish designing or writing something and it looks good or reads well

8. After going shopping and looking through the bags at what I bought

9. when I put together the perfect outfit for the day

10. The feeling I get when AJM and I do something nice for a stranger

11. Buying something from Express for AJM

12. AJM (lol)

13. When my sister brings me something from the city

14. ATV's

15. Finding a good new book to read.

16. my new rain boots (i've been looking for them forever)

17. Laughing so hard until I cry

18. Dancing around in my underwear

19. chicken patties (they remind me of spending time with AJM- everytime I go to his house I get a chicken patty)

20. Making other people laugh

21. watching the CW (guilty pleasure)

22. the macoroni and cheese from Carolina's kitchen

sidenote: yes, I've noticed that food makes me happy. But, hey, its the truth. I'm not ashamed.

23. playing football head with AJM

24. hearing a good story

25. Thinking about my future

26. seeing my room clean

27. Kara's special walk

28. Talking to my coworker Dina about Egypt (where she is fun)

29. seeing money in the bank

30. talking to a random stranger and being engrossed in a good conversations

31. Watching real live dorks in action (once, me and ajm watched 4 dorks- complete with push down socks and short shorts- playing four square on the basketball court)

32. playing with kids

33. saying "OM to the G"

34. good facebook pics

35. beginning my day off with a croissant, an apple juice and a blog

36. making new friends/associates

37. hanging with my extended family. lol. my immediate family is aight.

38. listening to Teedra Moses

39. New music on my IPOD

40. dreaming about traveling the world.

41. holding babies...that I can give back

42. rekindling old friendships

43. recognition by my peers for a job well done. (it's not WHY I do it but lets be real, it still feels good)

44. A good party and being juust RIGHT. HEEYY!!

45. Chocalate milk with whipped cream.

Wee a Wee a Wee

2008-10-23T08:20:00.000-07:00

If you saw me in the back of a police car. What would you think I had been arrested for?

A Little Spice

2008-09-02T09:35:00.000-07:00

I'm happy in my relationship. Really, I am. I have been dating AJM for about 3.5 years now. Of all the young women I know, I am the only one in a consistent relationship with a great guy who truly loves the mess out of me. He doesn't BS me, he's open and honest, communicates... eventually, and is working toward being a better man.

But i'm a girl who likes spontaniety and a juicy story. I'm a thunderous river not a peaceful lake. AJM is the lake and that is why we work well together. He balances me out. But every now and then i need some excitement; a story to tell. Something I would have to run and dish to my best friend like, "girl, do you know he did THIS..." But AJM is not that kind of guy. He plays sports, stays at home, works and is a genuine GOOD guy. I'm going to visit him in a couple of weeks. Maybe he'll have an adventure planned?!?!?!

Here's to hoping.

Check

2008-08-29T06:42:00.000-07:00

The variety of symptoms and combinations of symptoms are usually dividedinto four major groups, according to Lisa Rarick, M.D., medical officer inFDA's division of metabolism and endocrine drug products. Breast tenderness,swelling, weight gain, and bloating comprise one group of symptoms. A secondgroup includes emotional changes such as depression, forgetfulness, crying, insomnia, and confusion. A third group involves headaches, food cravings(especially sweets), increased appetite, fatigue, and dizziness. The fourth group includes anxiety, nervous tension, mood swings, and irritability.

CHECK

The Quarter-Life Crisis

2008-08-28T07:31:00.000-07:00

Although I didn't write this piece, this was sooo True for me. I couldn't have said it better myself. This is definitely where I find myself right now and may be the reason I'm looking at the glass as half-empty right now (see below post).
This is for everone under 25 and maybe a few over. Have you been there? Are you still there?

The Quarter-Life Crisisby: Unknown

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may or may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.
You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.
You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared.
You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all.
You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not. You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.
You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person.
One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.
You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while wining the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!
What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

2008-08-27T12:36:00.000-07:00

Am I a glass half empty kind of person?

Is there anything wrong with that?

Life

2008-08-27T11:21:00.000-07:00

Club
Dream
Career
Dream
Man
Dream
Spirituality
Pause........

Friends
Few
Shoes
Few
Money
Low
Gas
Low
Stress
Pause.......

Movies
Good
Respect
Good
Food
Good
Weight
Pause..........

back
weak
determination
weak
actions
weak
words
pause........

networking
lite
green
light
cream cheese
lite
aura
pause....

Assistant...Secretary...Whatever

2008-08-27T08:25:00.001-07:00

When I have my company I'm not going to have any secretaries. I think secretaries are archaic. New wave corporoate structure and environment is changing. The only one's keeping hold of that stuffy old style are the OLD people.

I interned at the Office of Inspector General and I didn't realize how progressive they were, even as a governement agency. They were incoporating two new company policies.

1. Go where the work is

2. Knowledged centered work environment

The first is self-explanatory but was also the justification for their work-at-home program. If you can work best at home or in the field rather than at the office. Stay at home! The Inspector General even said there is no reason for employee's to come in and do minimal work in the office simply so that others can watch over them!! How progressive is that.

The second school of thought did away with the heirarchal corporate structure. Rather, the IP and top executives decided it was best to have a circular office structure. Give assignments to the person who can do the work and communicate circulararly not on a ladder system. Everyone in the offices knowledge is beneficial. It's the "Knights of the Roundtable" theory. It's so much better. (News room's and newspapers/magazines often work like this)

I applaud the OIG and other places like google who are merging the corporate environement with today's progressive theories.

At the place I'm working right now, the executive secretary is in full effect. It's so horrible. lower level managers to top level executives can't even write a letter or find their own files. They would be lost without secretaries because they are so dependent on them. Where is the dictophone!!! Yes, it is that old school. Law firms are very much like this too; very heirarchal.

So I repeat, when I have my own firm, I will do away with secretaries. Assistants will assist PROJECTS not PEOPLE and their work will be of value. This will cut costs too. I can write my own %&*! letter.

Ummmm....Goodmorning?

2008-08-27T06:39:00.000-07:00

I had a rough night last night. My usual bedtime is 10ish but i went to bed at one because I was caught up in an argument! Not complaining about the argument but I am mad that i'm suffering for it this morning. I got to work about 10-15 minutes late! AH Well!

I can't wait for Sept 1. All the season premiers begin that day. I'm hyping myself up so they better be good. I hope they aren't overated. I want to watch the new 90210, Gossip Girl, Samuri Girl, One Tree Hill, and this other new show on the CW. I know what you're thinking. My selection of shows lacks a certain diversity.... LOL!! I know, but I still like them! Maybe its the fact that they take me away. And I like that dumb teenage stuff. Nothing too serious because life is serious.

I'm kicking myself that I didn't pick up Solange's album yesterday!! I promised I would because I want to support her. I haven't purchased an album in I don't know how many years. The only new music I get is from my sister when she sends me all her new cd's. (I call myself a music person). How horrible.

Today is wednesday. No church tonight but we do have family study................

I'm wearing my dress as a shirt today. It looks good. I'm about to convert all of my dresses into shirts for the rest of the week.

Maybe I should start writing stories. I haven't written a story in years. I'm a journalism major so only articles, news stories. Fact not fiction has been my forte. Well let's give fiction a try. I would love to write a novel but i think i tire of things to quickly and a novel requires a lot of long-suffering. (suffering-that's how I look at it). I'm fast-paced, always ready for the next thing. I look at it as a positive quality not a negative. Although I'm sure many would disagree. Maybe short stories, but I always hate novels that are a collection of short stories. The minute you get into one story, it ends and your supposed to pick up the pieces and move on to the next. Usually I throw the book away after one, being too heartbroken that a good one has come to an end too fast. I should be a book critique. This summer alone I must have read atleast 50 books. Honestly, I still read 1-2 books a day. Books take me to another world. When I'm reading a book the real world is at best HAZY until i'm finished. It's like I walk around not fully "there" until the novel is complete because I'm so caught up in the pages. It's kind of bad. My boyfriend can barely reach me when I'm in the middle of a book. That's why it only takes me one day to finish. I HAVE TOO.

I have to pitch these stories today. I put them off long enough! Time is winding down, it's wednesday!

Well, goodmorning to you!

THANK YOU

2008-08-22T15:57:00.001-07:00

Thank you Ne-Yo for making mainstream Hip Hop and R&B GROW the heck up!

He said 'somethings sexy about a woman who pays her car note and mortgage and 'bout to pay them both off!!! AND pays them on time!! There is nothing cute about not paying your bills on time but you look good!!

The women are in his Miss Independent video are in positions of power, Neyo said "You not getting the coffee, you leading the meeting." YES!! Not only does this girl in his video have a job she's the boss. In every other Hip Hop video women are just there as wallpaper and at a man's beck and call. Thank you Neyo for praising women who Do something with themselves. In all honesty, that's more representative of our society anyway. Black women have always been on their grind.

Yea, I'm working on mine so you work on yours

Not one for words

2008-08-17T17:07:00.000-07:00

My father just pissed me off. I'm sitting by the dining room table and the phone rings. It's my aunt. He walks right up to the phone and stares at the caller ID. I explain that its aunt V and still, he does not pick up. He said if mom wants to talk to her she would pick up. Mom is probably not by the phone!!!!! I'm pissed because he always does this. When I call him he doesn't answer my calls either, even though I know he's home. I have to call like 3 times in a row before he answers. Pick up the &%!@ phone!!!

LOL

On that midnight train to.... Oklahoma?

2008-08-13T05:07:00.000-07:00

Yea, that's right folks. Here we go again!!!! My man is going back to school and this time (since I have graduated) I will not be going back with him. I'm here in DC and he's there in Oklahoma..... for another year and a half. We went through this before and it wasn't all good. SO, I repeat. HERE WE GO AGAIN %$&%$^$%$%!!!!

You Can Have Whatever You Like

2008-08-08T08:43:00.000-07:00

Awww man, I am falling in Love with T.I again. I can't wait for his new album. I don't know if that was PR but having that be his first single was a good look!!!!! It was so sweet.

The song and video is about a man meeting a girl who is living a very humble life and he introduces her to nice things. There are no pretenses. She doesn't come off as a gold digger and the man is not EXPECTING things in return. The relationship is geniune. Man, if that could happen in real life.

2008-02-06T07:13:00.001-08:00

MAKING THE BAND 4: Let's make it happen

2008-01-28T20:18:00.000-08:00

Yea! This show was hot! I'm going to be watching this on the regular! Here is my recap:

1. The boys can SING!! WHEW!! I'm already buying that album

2. D.Woods, Dawn and Shannon can sing

3. Abri is.... dare i say it.... too much/slutty. She needs to sit down

4. Diddy gets on my nerves. Those boys sounded good in the studio. He's making drama out of nothing. I think half of that crap is for tv. The other half is him trying to intimidate somebody. He needs to go sit down with Abri.

5. I think Qwanell and Will are some cool dudes.

6. I think Dawn and Q are cute. HOWEVER, don't mix business with pleasure.

7. Why does this have to be a competition. Why does it have to be THAT much stressful for them. GEEZ

8. If Diddy wasn't on the show, I'd still watch

9. The boyz need a group name. REGARDLESS, i'm still buying that album. That first song was so hott

10. I will be watching next week.

That's my top 10 thoughts y'all. What did you think??

My own Version of "WHO ROCKED IT BETTER

2008-01-12T17:06:00.000-08:00

WE ALL KNOW THE ANSWER!!! You betta recognize

I love this commercial

2008-01-08T19:04:00.000-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6RihgY91E-Y

Especially the part where the man is schocked and he throws his stuff away. lol

I admit it....I'ma, I'ma hustler

2007-12-19T09:23:00.000-08:00

(Disclaimer: I'm in one of those moods were i'm proud of myself and excited about my future. Please excuse me if this post sounds haughty -- for lack of a better word. Many people have nurtured and believed in me. That and Jehovah are the source of my convictions and drive.. Now, let me get this KANYE WEST off my chest)

Y'all don't know my struggle. Y'all can't match my hustle. You can't catch my hustle. You can't fathom my love, dude."

(10 cents to the person who knows what song this is from)

Don't get it twisted now, I'm legit. But i'm still a hustler. I'm about to graduate college in 4 months and i'm on my grind. I've got a client that i'm doing a PR campaign for, Another company wants to be my client for some copy and PR work, and I just got an inquiry into some graphic design for a third company. But you know what's funny, I don't even have a business card yet, nonetheless a company. That's what you call a hustler.

Plus, they don't know it yet, but Perry Publishing and Broadcasting (yes, the people who hired me to write for The Black Chronicle) just found his newest PR intern too.

Yesterday I told me new mentor, "I just need someone to let me in the door because once they do watch out." YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO CATCH ME. It might be in your best interst to keep me out if you want to make some money in the Entertainemnt, graphic design, magazine and PR field. I do it all.

You know how Kanye locked himself in his room doing five beats a day for three summers. I kept myself in Oklahoma learning EVERY aspect of any type of the mass communications business. I learned how to start a magazine from the business side. I learned how to write the features that go inside. I learned how to do graphic design with InDesign and Photoshop. Meaning, I can make anything from a party flyer to the 50 page spread in Vogue. I learned how to do PR Research, I learned how to coordinate a camapaign. I became the EXECUTIVE PRODUCER of the largest step show in the Midwest with a $30,000 budget $45,000 in ticket sales alone and told Fonsworth Bently what to say on the stage. the hottest DJ in Houston just called my phone asking me if I could coordinate an event to bring Soldier Boy and dem (and dem, haha) to OKC last minute. I learned how to do press releases and brochures and fact sheets and issue ads. OH yea, I can make advertisments too!!! I know what a bleed is. Basically, whatever you need I CAN GET IT DONE, believe me.

Hate me if you want to, but in this business you got to believe you can do anything... and I can. I love this stuff. It's my passion. Wish me luck cuz i'm bout to take off.

Anybody want a ride????????

JAY Z's video and single make me want to go home so bad and go to the club!!!

2007-11-30T16:28:00.000-08:00

I'M IN THE HOUSE!!!

My Column

2007-11-29T13:18:00.000-08:00

SO, it's Thursday, 3:18pm. You know where I am. Sociology class!!!! Ha Ha. Zuri said my senioritis is getting bad. She has no idea!!!

Today I had an interview with The Perry Broadcasting and Publishing Company for the newspaper, The Black Chronicle. I begin with the standard 30 day trail starting in January. I'm going to begin writing on the website. I can write about whatever I want but i can write if from whatever angle I want. My job? To foster controversy and community discussion. I am advised to write under and alias, which my public will never ever knooooowwww (lol). I'll be good at this. My demographic, African Americans age 18 - 35. If you guys come accross good issues with Black people in the community, send me over your ideas!!

My version of Ran-Dubm thoughts (2)

2007-11-27T14:00:00.000-08:00

So, while some people use blogs to get through their day at work, I'm blogging to make it through Sociology 4693. What is that man talking about. I feel like Charlie Brown with the teacher that says "whomp whomp whomp whomp." Wow, finally see the symbolism in that. What most proffesors say are not really that important. As you get older your realize that they are biased and stubborn.

We had to do evaluations in all of our classes today. I didn't do them. I don't care anymore. I used to do them because i cared.

So here's what the decision boils down to for the democratic race. In my opinion, both Obama and Hillary will do a good job. So the ultimate question is. What is more important for me? Am I black first or am I a female first? What is more important to us as black females?

I'm tired and I want to eat but i can't. I'm almost out of meal points and all out of food. I got to go to the grocery store. I have to wait until 7pm because we are having free food at our BSA meeting!! I just want a snack. I feel like a feign.

I don't want to do my work either. I have an assignement due today but i'll start that at 5pm. It's due at 6pm. It's just corrections though. Whatever.

I'm just so ready to come home I need a break from school... I NEED TO GRADUATE.

My interview with Perry Publishing and Broadcasting Company is thursday. Wish me luck. I think I'm going to be writing for The Black Chronicle... if I get the job.

I'm thinking about a credit card. But then i think of all the people at my job at Express who are wearing clothes they 10% own. How stupid is that??? The clothes on your back aren't even yours. People say, you shouldn't chargeif you don't have the money. Well then, pay for it cash! But it builds credit, they say. I'm sure there is some other way to buy a house in America than get a mastercard. If there is not, the system is compeletly messed up.

so Mike's on Ebony this month.

2007-11-08T09:31:00.000-08:00

AFTER PHOTOSHOP

BEFORE PHOTOSHOP

It's official

2007-10-31T06:46:00.000-07:00

It's over. Don't ask me how I feel about it cuz I don't know. Just ready to close this chapter of my life, graduate and move to the next. What's next in life. Who's next in life.

My version of Ran-Dumb thoughts

2007-10-21T22:32:00.001-07:00

In true deja fashion and to prove zuri right I am writing this post and me and that special someone are on the outs again. That's all i'll be writing about him though. I'm not going to bore anyone in the blog world with my pity party... If i know you i might call you every now and then to keep strong though. LOL

AN-T-WAY

Graduation, grad school, finding a job/career, 15 credit hours now, 19 credit hours next semester, GRE, 18 hours a week at Express- mostly on my weekends, Resident Advisor- with a boss who hates me, Black Student Association, add a new commitment THEN MINUS seniorIdis (sp??). That equals = DISASTER.

But i don't even care anymore. All i care about is getting a job and 1 commitment. Like right now, i'm sitting here typing on blogspot when i got a lot of homework to do and I'm not even tired. Perfect time right?? NAAAAHHH. I think i'll get in the bed, red a book, and watch wedding planner- which i've seen so many times that its not even good anymore. so.....

SOS somebody. It's just first semester. I'm droooowwniing.

I'm not even doing the things i have to do. Is life like this for everyone???? Or do people really get up, go to work, pay the bills and go to sleep???? I wonder what that feels like?

And to top it all off, entertainment PR is not an easy field to get in to. That means after grad I got 10 more years of being on the grind and paying my dues before I see any benefits. UGGGHHHH, it just makes me tired thinking about it. Maybe i WILL go to bed now!!! Gosh i'm being soooo lazy.

About being lazy... I think i really am lazy at heart, but i just do things because people expect me to and because the job has to get done by someone and also i'm a social being so if i don't get out of bed i won't see anybody. I like being in the mix. If that wasn't the case, I'd be ghost. You would not see me at all!!

So what's going on in the world. Two people have passed but i'm not exactly sure who or the situation surrounding them. Jehovah, please be with their famlies! I guess i'd better check cnn.com. I don't check FOX, ughh. What a racially insenstive network and I can't STAND Bill O'Reily (that pompous JERKKK)

I'm beginning to fade out. Ugghh, I have to go to work at 9am tommorow morning. I really should get to bed. I almost forgot about it

The Young Lioness

2007-10-20T18:26:00.000-07:00

I'm reeeaaaddyyyy Teedra. Goodness gracious. Thinking about my last post when I said Beyonce come beack down to us, it made me think of my girl. Teedra is so down to earth and when i met her it was like hey girl what's up!!! Plus her music is so real. If you haven't met my girl Teedra, I'd like to introduce you to her.

(that's her name....My girl Teedra... from here on out)

Her new album the young lioness should be out sometime next year or the end of this year. GEEZ teedra do you know us "REAL" music heads are waiting for you to crush the fakeness when you bring REAL R&B back to the game. You're going to do it so big this go around.

MUAH

LOVES IT!!

2007-10-15T15:07:00.001-07:00

I love that Justin Timberlake remix with Beyonce on it. For once Beyonce sounds soulful and beautiful without trying to hard and doing to much. She sounds calm, passionate, and sweet and it makes me want to cry. Reminds of the old Bey, before the DIVA, before the GLITTER, and especially before the SEABISCUT HAIR.

I miss that Beyonce. But one thing is for sure, this girl has a voice, and this song proves it. SO as long as I don't have to see her and I can just hear her sing the song, everything will be alirght.

Come back down to us Bey Knowles.

Circles

2007-09-18T22:13:00.000-07:00

And around in circles we turn. Anita Baker is crooning in my ear again, singing, "I just wanna be yours." Why are relationships so much hard work? It's so tiring.

So now we're doing the waiting game again...And this is supposed to prove what??? Oh yea, the one who can wait out longer is the one who ends up being the one who is right.

Is it just me or does this not seem so freaking stupid. I'm not even mad anymore. I'm just over it all.
----------------------------------------------
FINE! You wait your stupid butt over there on your side then. You know what. Actually I am mad. I'm mad that I didn't get a chance to ball my fist up and give you one on your chin. One good punch is all that I needed. Maybe it would have knocked some sense into you and allowed you to see how freakin stupid you've been acting. But, alas, we were in public and I didn't want to come off as the ghetto black girl. *sigh* Yep!! I guess I'm just mad we were in public.

Anyway. I know I haven't been blogging but i've been keeping up with my celebrity gossip. My highlights.

1. What's wrong with Orange Juice (OJ).
2. To 50... So you mad???
3. To Kanye...stop crying and that man shawl you were wearing on jimmy kimmal live was not metrosexual... it was gay (no offense to anyone who took offense).
4. Alicia Keys. Just Beautiful
5. Jada Pinkett. Dang lil mama. Everytime I see you I'm stunned again. Beautiful
6. Isiah Thomas. Are you Stupid too? A black man calling a black woman the b word is just as bad as a white man saying it. Thanks for making it acceptable in our community.
7.Diddy and Usher. Keep your clothes on. Just stop it already.
8. Garcelle (from Jaimie Fox show) Dang girl, I hope that baby belly was photoshoped.
9. To BET. You get a ludacris face slap from me for putting American Gangster back on the air and glorifying gangsterism yet again. Another reason to BAN BET.
10. I actually feel bad for Ja Rule. But then again, i think, he made millions soooo...
11. Rihanna. You suck at performing! I mean, atleast make your face move. I stare at the screen saying, SHOW ME SOME EMOTION!! why are you so dry?!?
12. Mya Mya Mya. I feel so bad for you. That article you did for Vibe Vixen made me ashamed of you as a women. And now your throwing temper tantrums at fashion week. Mya Mya Mya.
13. That new justin and 50 song is just wrong. Justin is trying to meet 50 half way and 50 is trying to meet Justin half way and it's just too fake and all wrong. POP music kills and what an example this is.
14. Kanye and T-Pain. YES!!!!!

I SUPPORT THE JENA 6

all is well

2007-08-19T21:15:00.000-07:00

Isn't it so sad when good things come to an end.

2007-08-14T20:27:00.000-07:00

I just wanna be yours.

quote of the day

2007-07-27T10:10:00.000-07:00

"I Love TURKEY sausage man! What the FREAK do they put in that stuff"

-From Mr.BEEF man himself

Vannessa or Vivica

2007-07-27T08:42:00.000-07:00

Do Not Be Mislead. When did Vivica start looking like Vanessa Williams. Plastic Surgery is CrAzY. Well atleast she looks (dare I say it?) Human. Don't hate me Vivica. I'm just being honest. You've had a couple of rough photos recently.

What do you think

Ms. Kelly

2007-07-27T07:40:00.000-07:00

WOW. Do it big Kelly. This dress is to fabulous!!! I love Kelly and I want her to succeed but she hasn't been stepping up the way I think she should. But I think she pulled it out with this picture.

the Beckhams

2007-07-12T13:03:00.000-07:00

Oh my gosh!! This is so hott. I love it, LOVE it!! Victoria and David Beckham. This is a hott white guy if I've ever seen one and V looks Fierce. (snap snap). Shoot, I need to get my hair cut and bleach it blond.............. Well, maybe not. Anyway, look at that oh so ANTM arch in V's back!! Get is shawty. I was acually on a mission to find a shirt that went with this cute tulip mini skirt and I ran accross this picture and couldn't move on. Isn't it so striking!!

I can't get enough. ooooooooohhhh.

One of those days

2007-07-12T06:54:00.000-07:00

The only reason i'm making it so far is because I got my girl Teedra crooning in my ear. Got da*n. Get it girl. Sorry for cursing, but it's that real, mayne.

I want to start a band. I don't want just talk about it, I want to be about it. I found a drummer and my cute PianoMan. I want it to be all guys and I'm the only girl. I just got to find a guitarist. SHOOT, that's going to be hard. Maybe this boy Darrin will know. Let me facebook him right now, matta fact.

Okay so I sent him a message on facebook. Maybe we could get a rapper too!!! Oooohhh. That would be so hott. Whatcha Think!! I'm so excited.

Sweet and Simple

2007-07-11T08:41:00.000-07:00

When your nice to someone you have no idea what an impact you can have, even with a stranger. Today my friend told me and I quote, "i was kinda in mean gurl, mean mug mood yesterday, but then you came and cheered me up...on the train...;-)" It was then that I realized that by giving her that simple wave and a funny face through the window of the train doors, I changed her whole day around.

It took almost no energy from me to do those two things. I didn't even have to talk to her. She was sitting on the train and I was on the platform as I saw her pass, so I couldn't even if I wanted. Still this realization still shocked me. How much better we would all be if we keep this in mind.

I'm going to work on shedding that mean girl attitude that I have sometimes and just work on being nice to people, even when its hard too. Because I know that by making someone else's day, the joy that it gives them, gives me so much more. I actually come out with more than I give.

How real is that?!?!

I ate four BIG cookies today.

2007-06-28T13:34:00.000-07:00

Oh goodness. I was trying to eat well these last couple of days before I went to ATL. I didn't do to well. I can only eat vegetables tonight.

hatin' on the word hater

2007-06-22T13:17:00.000-07:00

I hate the term hatin." Just because you have an opinion about something that happens to be negative doesn't mean your a hater. Sometimes it's not even negative, it's just honest. We can't always have good opinions about something and everyone has different view points. Now it seems that if we don't preface our comments with, "I'm not hating but..." then we are cast aside with the rest of the "haters."

Shouldn't we be able to express our opinion be it, positive or negative, without being called a hater just because we don't like it. If a hater = someone who has a negative opinion, THEN where would the world be without hater's. We need both.

In that case:

Yes, I'm hating on George Bush and I can't wait till he's out of office
Yes, I'm hating on Kiamsha alumni who haven't once come back to mentor/help these kids
Yes, I'm hating on Rihanna's new song. WHO IS SHE? I just don't like it!! I'm not hating on the child. I could care less about her.

Yes, I'm hating on Usher and R.Kelly's new song. They could have done better. Point blanck, PERIOD. I'm not hating on them. I love both of them.

On the other hand......

I'm loving lupe fiasco's song "He say, she say" for shedding some light on the "absentee father" and its OBVIOUS affect on today's black youth. "Give them a fighting chance."

I'm loving those who have come back to help and be in the conference
I'm loving the fact that David has RSVP'd for the Saturday Academy Alumni program this weekend. I haven't seen him in a while. Now if we could just see John.

Why does Usher's engagement to Tameka make me mad????

2007-06-21T08:39:00.001-07:00

weekend

2007-06-12T09:33:00.000-07:00

Everything is looking good. I had a great weekend last weekend. I took some friends that had recently moved to the city down to the Washington, monument, the reflection pool and then down to Adams Morgan. On Saturday i went to visit my friend who is now a WONDERFUL friend, there was a crab feast (mmmm) and then I went to see oceans 11. On Sunday, my friend came over again and we watched movies and did my homework. :-)

Now I'm getting to work and my mean co-worker is complimenting me, telling me I'm one of the best who has ever worked on the daily newsletter. She's being so sweet, she literally JUST offered me the bagel in the lunch room. what?!?! This is like another world.

Today is our best practices convention and I was the event planner for it. I set the room up for the top executives, but the work orders and food orders in. Everything is working out fine. I messed up on the title of a person on one name tag and that is it.

The only downside to all of this is that i'm sick.... but I can feel myself getting better so even that's a plus. All in all, everything is looking up. No complaints from me

Thank you MH

2007-06-07T07:25:00.000-07:00

Isn't it so funyy how that perfect song can change your mood completely. I was opening up blogspot to start releasing pent up stress. I struggled to get the company's daily newsletter out by 10am (the deadline) this morning. I sent it out at 9:59. I couldn't gather enough stories. My heart was beating fast and even after 9:59am I was still out of it.

Immediatly, I opened music player and turned to my song, Hold N' Back bt Marques Houston from his new album Veteren. Completely underated. Don't sleep on it y'all. http://echovibes.imeem.com/music/AMWB0Qlq/hold_n_back_feat_mya_shawnna/

By the time I opened blogspot, and stared at the black section for me to begin composing this post, my whole attitude had changed. Just that quickly. I sighed. I love this song. The music is so sensual.

Why you treat me like you do?

Can it just be me and you?

Cause I don't wanna play no moreIf I let go, you let go

Cause i just cant get enough

And i just wanna feel you touch

But I just gotta know whatsup, wutsup, wutsup

[Verse 1 (Marques Houston)]

Hey girl come here sit down

Lemme holla at you a while

Gotta get this off my chest Hope that you can handle it

We've been seeing each other a lot

Honestly I dont want it to stop

You and me; Me and you

Im liking what we've got

Only thing thats bothering me

We aint as close as we should be

Thats cause your holding backHolding back your love for me

How do you expect to grow if you just dont let go

[Chorus (Marques Houston)]

Hey Why you tryna hold back

Why you tryna hold back

When you know you want it just like I do

Why you acting like that, girl dont do me like that

All Im tryna do is be next to you

Why you tryna hold back

on me baby

All I want is you stop holdin back on me

[Verse 2 (Mya)]

Dont take offense to this

Not tryna start no mess

Aint tryna have you stressed

This is just a little test

I wanna see how serious

Serious you are of us

Do you like or like me not

Im loving what we've got

Only thing that bothers me

We aint close as we should be

Thats cause your holding back

Holding back you love for me

How do expect this thing to growIf you dont let it go go go go

[Chorus (Mya and Marques Houston)]

Babe Why you tryna hold back

Why you tryna hold back

When you know you want it just like I do

Why you acting like that, girl dont do me like that

All Im tryna do is be next to you

Why you tryna hold back

Why you tryna hold back on me baby

All I want is you stop holdin back on me

[Verse 3 (Shawnna)]

Everytime I get to thinking bout youI see I cant be without you

Cause you that shit, thats it And I really cant leave rite now boo

You my fix, your kiss

Made me bout to let go bout to

But wait right quick cant slipI dont really think your down with this

See I played these games before

And i fall everytime we go

Cause see I cant no more

I move slow but dont really wanna stop the flow

Dont know what to do

Gotta just relax and hold back

Just sit back and roll that, roll that, rolle that

[Chorus (Mya and Marques Houston)]

[Outro (Shawnna)]

Why you treat me like you do?

Can it just be me and you?

Cause i just cant get enough

And i just wanna feel you touch

Wutsup wutsup

Why you treat me like you do?

Can it just be me and you?

Cause i just cant get enough

And i just wanna feel you touch

I just gotta know whatsup, wutsup, wutsup

DRIVING me crazy

2007-06-05T09:43:00.000-07:00

This morning I was really excited about everything. I had idea's to throw a party/meet and greet/coctail/brunch THING (lol) but now I'm totally through with it. It always feels like a have these great idea's that i'm sure people would love but I never have the funds to pull them off. Money is always a problem. It defenitely takes money to make money, but I don't have ANY. And i'm not just doing it for the money, I mean I want to do it. Not only will it be fun but will provide a network for young, black, dc urbanites to meet and connect. It would be great. But whatever, i'm about to flush the whole idea down the toilet. Who cares, No one but me anyway.

People always want to see or do great things but never want to do the legwork behind it. Have you found that too? I mean, there are very few people in the world who dedicate themselves to something and are actually dependable when it comes to the hardwork that it takes to get the job done. Who can you count on? No one but yourself. I guess it always happens like that. When you're in the driver's seat the burden falls upon your sholders no matter how many people are in the car. It's your job to navigate through the traffic while everyone else decides to go to sleep. It's not fair but that's how it always happens.

I just wish for once I can meet people who weren't just about talk (talking about ideas, future, etc.) but were about action. I wish for once I can meet people who are just as excited as I am about programs, parties, ideas, to help keep me motivated as well. Where are you? I'm right here. If you're one of those people (a doer and not just a talker) come holler at me, because I want to start doing now, RIGHT NOW!!

...but if that's not you, I guess I'll have to do it by myself. Been doing by myself till now anyway.

(Disclaimer, this has come from years of pent of frustrations including but not limited to BSA, Kiamsha, personal endeavors, whatever)

TiCk tOcK

2007-06-04T12:34:00.000-07:00

I'm waiting patiently... tick tock tick tock... for you to come into my life. I know I can't rush it so all I can do is wait... tick tock tick tock... I don't need many I just need one, YOU! So it's time for you to step up to the plate with your tall, sexy, confident, fun-loving self.

I know you'll make me laugh. We'll laugh all the time and you'll have the most beautiful smile. You're oh so fine face will light up, which will in turn send shivers down my spine. You'll be so sweet to me when we're alone, that I know you're just a softy at heart.

When we go out on dates and you show up at my door, you'll make me fall in love with you again. Dressed to perfection, but laid back at the same time; the crisp white shirt accentuating your chocolate skin, white teeth and perfect shape up. Do you know how sexy you are?? I think so but you haven't let it go to your head.

You're a humble guy, not showy with the materials you have but content to just be you... you and me that is. The time we have together will arm us for the time we are apart. Both of us with busy schedules and dreams of our own, but never to much to take away from what's important -- HAVING FUN TOGETHER. That's it, we just want to have fun, wherever we go, whoever we're with.

So I ask you again, what is taking you so long? Because I'm waiting, tick tock tick tock. I waiting, tick tock, patiently for you.

WORK AGAIN

2007-06-01T08:47:00.000-07:00

I hate messing up. I think I'm doing something right and SANDRA the witch finds someway for it to be wrong. Is it just me or does she make a big deal out of everything. My co-worker keeps pointing out to me that she talks to me so rudly and that she never spoke to her like that.

Maybe I'm just not doing it right. I don't know. My co-worker says maybe I should speak with Agape (our boss) about Sandra's rude behavior. I don't know, I'm not trying to get anyone in trouble or cause a rift because I still have to work with her. Goodness, I just wish she'd leave me alone. Now that all these SARCs are done maybe I won't have to deal with her as much.

Maybe the reason why she's never spoken rudly to my co-worker because my co-worker is a permanent employee who doesn't have to ask questions and such and I'm just an intern. Who knows. But I know this, my days would be a lot better if Sandra would just CHILL OUT.

Goodness gracious. she get's on my nerves. And for goodness sake, I don't want to go down and pass out the SARCS to Congress on the Hill in 90 degree weather. Just shut up about it, already. Plus my stomach doesn't feel well.

2007-05-30T10:53:00.000-07:00

I'm officially 2.1. YES!!!! I can go wherever I want, whenever I want!! You don't know how much of a relief this is for me. I love to be out on the town, having fun, and meeting new people. Yet, the chains of age were holding me back.

Now I'm FREE!!

LOOK FOR ME, young, free, cruisin down the 95 highway, doin what I like to do my way!!!

So, things I have done as a 21 year old:
1. Adams Morgan
2. Got my wristband at the club. lol

Things I will be doing this summer:
1. Going to Jamaica
2. Going to Atlanta to party
3. Going to see Ne-yo at Love on a FRIDAY (21-and-up night)
4. more Adams Morgan
5. ..... anything else I may want to do, HA

I'm so happy, even my witch of a co-worker can't reach me today.

Love you all

MUAH

I DID IT AGAIN

2007-05-24T12:01:00.000-07:00

I worked out again today!! I really didn't want to work out but my co-worker and I planned to work out together so I couldn't back out. I guess you can call it motivation. Anyway I did 7 minutes on the treadmill and then moved to the machine right next to it (the eliptical) and did about 7 minutes more with a one minute cool down. So that about 15 minutes. Then I did crunches on the ball and some other various kinds.

Now that it's over I'm happy I did it but I really didn't want to.

I'm not stupid

2007-05-23T12:33:00.000-07:00

I swear my coworker thinks I'm dumb. She gives me assignments and I never understand what she is talking about or what she wants me to do specifically. If I do understand and don't do it exactly the way she wants it, she questions if I know what I'm doing.

Maybe you arn't explaining it well enough, becuase I dare say I'm pretty intelligent. And if I do ask questions, It's all the better, right? We don't want to get it wrong, do we? Isn't this a team effort? Uggg her smugness is getting to me. I like my other coworker better. She's actually nice and not weird.

Maybe its because my "mean" co-worker is old. Their is just a link that is missing in our communication with each other. We don't get each other. It's a shame that I work with her the most. Oh well. I guess we'll just call this a challenge to overcome.

I WILL be victorious... Uggg... That stupid witch.

I'm an addict

2007-05-23T10:48:00.001-07:00

Put simply:

I LOVE FOOD

So you know I worked out yesterday. I was proud of myself for working out but I didn't do that great. I did 1 minute of warm up on the treadmill, then I ran up to ten minutes. I walked 5 more minutes and then sprinted the last three minutes. Then I did I variety of crunches.... AND THAT WAS IT.

After that, I went home and ate more food than I usually eat. This included a ice cream float, melted cheese and crackers and chicken alfredo. UGGGG, I defeated everything I worked for. My mother just shook her head.

Food... There is just something about it.

What am I gonna do??

Work Out Plan

2007-05-22T08:13:00.000-07:00

Today is the beginning of a new life.
Today I brought my workout clothes so that
Today I can go down to the gym and begin the process of shedding these extra pounds

For years I have complained about getting fat, and for years that's all I've been doing...complaining. Well, now I'm tired of complaining and I'm D*mn sure tired of being fat. I'm going to put my sneakers on and bust my butt on the machines.

My job offers free gym access so I might as well use it while I have the chance. Other people have to pay for the services I am given for free. (God knows I don't have the money to afford a gym membership right now).

Okay. Today I'm going to do cardio... Well, I think I'm going to do some form of cardio everyday. I'll do crunches at home everynight because why waste time doing that at the gym. Hopefully I can see a significant change in a month. By June 22 I want to loose 5-10 pounds. Is that possible???

Target areas: Stomach, Hips, Thighs.

It's time to shed those pounds baby!!

Update

2006-07-12T10:22:00.000-07:00

I called....

The Silent Treatment Game

2006-07-12T06:58:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we got in a heated argument. I talk to him. He ignores my feelings. I begin to yell. He get's smart and cold-hearted. I... Just... Can't... Take...It...Anymore.

CLICK- I hang up on him for the first time in my life and thus begins the series championship.

JUMP BALL:
My boyfriend loves the game. He plays it often and I must say he's a pro at it.
I play the game rarely. I find it unfulfilling, immature and regressive. Therefore, I lack both the grace,skill,and athleticism that is required to compete at this level.

But today I have a point to prove!!!
Today, I am suiting up.
Today I am to play for the conclusion of the silent treatment game. Once and for all.

I will not loose. I will not crack under pressure.
After all, the series has just begun and there are 6 more games to be played. How much do you want it, huh?

JAPERA'S LAST STAND
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
30 second time out:
I'm loosing my mind in the process and my heart is breaking down. My days have been crumbling before me. Everything is harder without him. In my heart I hope he's as miserable as me. But alas, I doubt it. He is a professional after all and has already made the all-star team.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am tired and I'm running out of stamina. It would be so easy to forfeit... The ball is in my court. If i give in now, I will lose forever. What will I do?

Still

2006-07-11T14:27:00.000-07:00

Have you ever just stood still and watched the world pass you by. What a wierd feeling that is. You can't change it, it moves to fast and with a force to strong. You can try to sway it to your moves and your cycles, but how much energy that would take. Better it be to just sit and be still, realizing that it moves on without you. Yes, we as individuals are just miniscule specs in the span of the universe. How embolding and powerful that is to know. Wierd huh?

Whenever you feel that the world is going to end because your day is messed up or something terrible has just occured, just remember that in the scheme of the universe, your problems really don't matter.

SO, appreciate the people in your lyfe that care about you and what happens to you because they are the only ones that make your existence valuable.

2006-07-11T13:33:00.000-07:00

I am

2006-07-11T13:11:00.000-07:00

I am nothing more than me
In my faults
In my glory
In my failures
In my mind

It is the simple summation of years of calculations