4.12.08

This just has to be said...

You know my sisters have been calling my a snob for the past couple days/weeks. But really I'm not a snob. They've got it confused.

I have short patience for other peoples stupidity or their emotional issues. I fake like i'm concerned.... No.... I AM concerned but just not for very long or rather not with any depth. I can't make myself utterly breakdown or really empathize with them deep down in my heart to the point I would/COULD cry for them. Atleast not with any sincerity. I mean, I could fake it. Also, Outside of the times when I have too, I choose not to conform my opinions or desires for other people. In the past, i tried to, but i realized, by doing this, I hurt myself because it took too much strength for me. I found myself getting agitated or sick or upset. So now, I do what I want to do...up to the point that it will not literally hurt someone else. This may seem calloused, and maybe it is, but what's the alternative, always being pissed FOR THE BENEFIT OF SOMEONE ELSE?? I think not.

I know that none of this is probably making any sense. I'm just starting to understand this about myself while I type this is out.

However, I am a Gemini. And although I don't take to much stock in astrology, I do have double personalities. I really am an emotional being. So much so that it may seem that i'm weak. I'm a softy and things hurt my feelings really easily. Mean things people say about me really bother me. What people think of me really affects me. LOL! How can i be a bitch but then get upset when other people think negatively of me?

I don't understand how people put up with me. I'm such a tragic being. I don't know how my boyfriend does it. I'm a mess, but he seems to fit perfectly with all my pieces. Why? Because he lets me be who I am. He just lets me be.... Oh my... Lord please help me. This is not how you want me to be.

1 comment:

T.C. said...

"i'm a calloused bitch" well the first step is to know who you are and say okay what part(s) of me do i want grow in...how do i want to grow and improve...

its amazing how much you remind me of me, a complex person, nothing wrong with it, its like being an onion you have many many layers to you...and that's okay..some layers will get a little softer and others will get a little stronger as you grow...

remember there is nothing wrong with being sympathtic to others but NO you don't have to take on their "stuff" that's not your job...

i am smiling from ear to ear because you are growing so much all ready