I admit it....I'ma, I'ma hustler

(Disclaimer: I'm in one of those moods were i'm proud of myself and excited about my future. Please excuse me if this post sounds haughty -- for lack of a better word. Many people have nurtured and believed in me. That and Jehovah are the source of my convictions and drive.. Now, let me get this KANYE WEST off my chest)

Y'all don't know my struggle. Y'all can't match my hustle. You can't catch my hustle. You can't fathom my love, dude."

(10 cents to the person who knows what song this is from)

Don't get it twisted now, I'm legit. But i'm still a hustler. I'm about to graduate college in 4 months and i'm on my grind. I've got a client that i'm doing a PR campaign for, Another company wants to be my client for some copy and PR work, and I just got an inquiry into some graphic design for a third company. But you know what's funny, I don't even have a business card yet, nonetheless a company. That's what you call a hustler.

Plus, they don't know it yet, but Perry Publishing and Broadcasting (yes, the people who hired me to write for The Black Chronicle) just found his newest PR intern too.

Yesterday I told me new mentor, "I just need someone to let me in the door because once they do watch out." YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO CATCH ME. It might be in your best interst to keep me out if you want to make some money in the Entertainemnt, graphic design, magazine and PR field. I do it all.

You know how Kanye locked himself in his room doing five beats a day for three summers. I kept myself in Oklahoma learning EVERY aspect of any type of the mass communications business. I learned how to start a magazine from the business side. I learned how to write the features that go inside. I learned how to do graphic design with InDesign and Photoshop. Meaning, I can make anything from a party flyer to the 50 page spread in Vogue. I learned how to do PR Research, I learned how to coordinate a camapaign. I became the EXECUTIVE PRODUCER of the largest step show in the Midwest with a $30,000 budget $45,000 in ticket sales alone and told Fonsworth Bently what to say on the stage. the hottest DJ in Houston just called my phone asking me if I could coordinate an event to bring Soldier Boy and dem (and dem, haha) to OKC last minute. I learned how to do press releases and brochures and fact sheets and issue ads. OH yea, I can make advertisments too!!! I know what a bleed is. Basically, whatever you need I CAN GET IT DONE, believe me.

Hate me if you want to, but in this business you got to believe you can do anything... and I can. I love this stuff. It's my passion. Wish me luck cuz i'm bout to take off.

Anybody want a ride????????


My Column

SO, it's Thursday, 3:18pm. You know where I am. Sociology class!!!! Ha Ha. Zuri said my senioritis is getting bad. She has no idea!!!

Today I had an interview with The Perry Broadcasting and Publishing Company for the newspaper, The Black Chronicle. I begin with the standard 30 day trail starting in January. I'm going to begin writing on the website. I can write about whatever I want but i can write if from whatever angle I want. My job? To foster controversy and community discussion. I am advised to write under and alias, which my public will never ever knooooowwww (lol). I'll be good at this. My demographic, African Americans age 18 - 35. If you guys come accross good issues with Black people in the community, send me over your ideas!!


My version of Ran-Dubm thoughts (2)

So, while some people use blogs to get through their day at work, I'm blogging to make it through Sociology 4693. What is that man talking about. I feel like Charlie Brown with the teacher that says "whomp whomp whomp whomp." Wow, finally see the symbolism in that. What most proffesors say are not really that important. As you get older your realize that they are biased and stubborn.

We had to do evaluations in all of our classes today. I didn't do them. I don't care anymore. I used to do them because i cared.

So here's what the decision boils down to for the democratic race. In my opinion, both Obama and Hillary will do a good job. So the ultimate question is. What is more important for me? Am I black first or am I a female first? What is more important to us as black females?

I'm tired and I want to eat but i can't. I'm almost out of meal points and all out of food. I got to go to the grocery store. I have to wait until 7pm because we are having free food at our BSA meeting!! I just want a snack. I feel like a feign.

I don't want to do my work either. I have an assignement due today but i'll start that at 5pm. It's due at 6pm. It's just corrections though. Whatever.

I'm just so ready to come home I need a break from school... I NEED TO GRADUATE.

My interview with Perry Publishing and Broadcasting Company is thursday. Wish me luck. I think I'm going to be writing for The Black Chronicle... if I get the job.

I'm thinking about a credit card. But then i think of all the people at my job at Express who are wearing clothes they 10% own. How stupid is that??? The clothes on your back aren't even yours. People say, you shouldn't chargeif you don't have the money. Well then, pay for it cash! But it builds credit, they say. I'm sure there is some other way to buy a house in America than get a mastercard. If there is not, the system is compeletly messed up.


so Mike's on Ebony this month.




It's official

It's over. Don't ask me how I feel about it cuz I don't know. Just ready to close this chapter of my life, graduate and move to the next. What's next in life. Who's next in life.


My version of Ran-Dumb thoughts

In true deja fashion and to prove zuri right I am writing this post and me and that special someone are on the outs again. That's all i'll be writing about him though. I'm not going to bore anyone in the blog world with my pity party... If i know you i might call you every now and then to keep strong though. LOL


Graduation, grad school, finding a job/career, 15 credit hours now, 19 credit hours next semester, GRE, 18 hours a week at Express- mostly on my weekends, Resident Advisor- with a boss who hates me, Black Student Association, add a new commitment THEN MINUS seniorIdis (sp??). That equals = DISASTER.

But i don't even care anymore. All i care about is getting a job and 1 commitment. Like right now, i'm sitting here typing on blogspot when i got a lot of homework to do and I'm not even tired. Perfect time right?? NAAAAHHH. I think i'll get in the bed, red a book, and watch wedding planner- which i've seen so many times that its not even good anymore. so.....

SOS somebody. It's just first semester. I'm droooowwniing.

I'm not even doing the things i have to do. Is life like this for everyone???? Or do people really get up, go to work, pay the bills and go to sleep???? I wonder what that feels like?

And to top it all off, entertainment PR is not an easy field to get in to. That means after grad I got 10 more years of being on the grind and paying my dues before I see any benefits. UGGGHHHH, it just makes me tired thinking about it. Maybe i WILL go to bed now!!! Gosh i'm being soooo lazy.

About being lazy... I think i really am lazy at heart, but i just do things because people expect me to and because the job has to get done by someone and also i'm a social being so if i don't get out of bed i won't see anybody. I like being in the mix. If that wasn't the case, I'd be ghost. You would not see me at all!!

So what's going on in the world. Two people have passed but i'm not exactly sure who or the situation surrounding them. Jehovah, please be with their famlies! I guess i'd better check cnn.com. I don't check FOX, ughh. What a racially insenstive network and I can't STAND Bill O'Reily (that pompous JERKKK)

I'm beginning to fade out. Ugghh, I have to go to work at 9am tommorow morning. I really should get to bed. I almost forgot about it


The Young Lioness

I'm reeeaaaddyyyy Teedra. Goodness gracious. Thinking about my last post when I said Beyonce come beack down to us, it made me think of my girl. Teedra is so down to earth and when i met her it was like hey girl what's up!!! Plus her music is so real. If you haven't met my girl Teedra, I'd like to introduce you to her.

(that's her name....My girl Teedra... from here on out)

Her new album the young lioness should be out sometime next year or the end of this year. GEEZ teedra do you know us "REAL" music heads are waiting for you to crush the fakeness when you bring REAL R&B back to the game. You're going to do it so big this go around.




I love that Justin Timberlake remix with Beyonce on it. For once Beyonce sounds soulful and beautiful without trying to hard and doing to much. She sounds calm, passionate, and sweet and it makes me want to cry. Reminds of the old Bey, before the DIVA, before the GLITTER, and especially before the SEABISCUT HAIR.

I miss that Beyonce. But one thing is for sure, this girl has a voice, and this song proves it. SO as long as I don't have to see her and I can just hear her sing the song, everything will be alirght.

Come back down to us Bey Knowles.



And around in circles we turn. Anita Baker is crooning in my ear again, singing, "I just wanna be yours." Why are relationships so much hard work? It's so tiring.

So now we're doing the waiting game again...And this is supposed to prove what??? Oh yea, the one who can wait out longer is the one who ends up being the one who is right.

Is it just me or does this not seem so freaking stupid. I'm not even mad anymore. I'm just over it all.
FINE! You wait your stupid butt over there on your side then. You know what. Actually I am mad. I'm mad that I didn't get a chance to ball my fist up and give you one on your chin. One good punch is all that I needed. Maybe it would have knocked some sense into you and allowed you to see how freakin stupid you've been acting. But, alas, we were in public and I didn't want to come off as the ghetto black girl. *sigh* Yep!! I guess I'm just mad we were in public.

Anyway. I know I haven't been blogging but i've been keeping up with my celebrity gossip. My highlights.

1. What's wrong with Orange Juice (OJ).
2. To 50... So you mad???
3. To Kanye...stop crying and that man shawl you were wearing on jimmy kimmal live was not metrosexual... it was gay (no offense to anyone who took offense).
4. Alicia Keys. Just Beautiful
5. Jada Pinkett. Dang lil mama. Everytime I see you I'm stunned again. Beautiful
6. Isiah Thomas. Are you Stupid too? A black man calling a black woman the b word is just as bad as a white man saying it. Thanks for making it acceptable in our community.
7.Diddy and Usher. Keep your clothes on. Just stop it already.
8. Garcelle (from Jaimie Fox show) Dang girl, I hope that baby belly was photoshoped.
9. To BET. You get a ludacris face slap from me for putting American Gangster back on the air and glorifying gangsterism yet again. Another reason to BAN BET.
10. I actually feel bad for Ja Rule. But then again, i think, he made millions soooo...
11. Rihanna. You suck at performing! I mean, atleast make your face move. I stare at the screen saying, SHOW ME SOME EMOTION!! why are you so dry?!?
12. Mya Mya Mya. I feel so bad for you. That article you did for Vibe Vixen made me ashamed of you as a women. And now your throwing temper tantrums at fashion week. Mya Mya Mya.
13. That new justin and 50 song is just wrong. Justin is trying to meet 50 half way and 50 is trying to meet Justin half way and it's just too fake and all wrong. POP music kills and what an example this is.
14. Kanye and T-Pain. YES!!!!!



all is well


Isn't it so sad when good things come to an end.

I just wanna be yours.


quote of the day

"I Love TURKEY sausage man! What the FREAK do they put in that stuff"

-From Mr.BEEF man himself

Vannessa or Vivica

Do Not Be Mislead. When did Vivica start looking like Vanessa Williams. Plastic Surgery is CrAzY. Well atleast she looks (dare I say it?) Human. Don't hate me Vivica. I'm just being honest. You've had a couple of rough photos recently.

What do you think

Ms. Kelly

WOW. Do it big Kelly. This dress is to fabulous!!! I love Kelly and I want her to succeed but she hasn't been stepping up the way I think she should. But I think she pulled it out with this picture.


the Beckhams

Oh my gosh!! This is so hott. I love it, LOVE it!! Victoria and David Beckham. This is a hott white guy if I've ever seen one and V looks Fierce. (snap snap). Shoot, I need to get my hair cut and bleach it blond.............. Well, maybe not. Anyway, look at that oh so ANTM arch in V's back!! Get is shawty. I was acually on a mission to find a shirt that went with this cute tulip mini skirt and I ran accross this picture and couldn't move on. Isn't it so striking!!
I can't get enough. ooooooooohhhh.

One of those days

The only reason i'm making it so far is because I got my girl Teedra crooning in my ear. Got da*n. Get it girl. Sorry for cursing, but it's that real, mayne.

I want to start a band. I don't want just talk about it, I want to be about it. I found a drummer and my cute PianoMan. I want it to be all guys and I'm the only girl. I just got to find a guitarist. SHOOT, that's going to be hard. Maybe this boy Darrin will know. Let me facebook him right now, matta fact.

Okay so I sent him a message on facebook. Maybe we could get a rapper too!!! Oooohhh. That would be so hott. Whatcha Think!! I'm so excited.


Sweet and Simple

When your nice to someone you have no idea what an impact you can have, even with a stranger. Today my friend told me and I quote, "i was kinda in mean gurl, mean mug mood yesterday, but then you came and cheered me up...on the train...;-)" It was then that I realized that by giving her that simple wave and a funny face through the window of the train doors, I changed her whole day around.

It took almost no energy from me to do those two things. I didn't even have to talk to her. She was sitting on the train and I was on the platform as I saw her pass, so I couldn't even if I wanted. Still this realization still shocked me. How much better we would all be if we keep this in mind.

I'm going to work on shedding that mean girl attitude that I have sometimes and just work on being nice to people, even when its hard too. Because I know that by making someone else's day, the joy that it gives them, gives me so much more. I actually come out with more than I give.

How real is that?!?!


I ate four BIG cookies today.

Oh goodness. I was trying to eat well these last couple of days before I went to ATL. I didn't do to well. I can only eat vegetables tonight.


hatin' on the word hater

I hate the term hatin." Just because you have an opinion about something that happens to be negative doesn't mean your a hater. Sometimes it's not even negative, it's just honest. We can't always have good opinions about something and everyone has different view points. Now it seems that if we don't preface our comments with, "I'm not hating but..." then we are cast aside with the rest of the "haters."

Shouldn't we be able to express our opinion be it, positive or negative, without being called a hater just because we don't like it. If a hater = someone who has a negative opinion, THEN where would the world be without hater's. We need both.

In that case:

Yes, I'm hating on George Bush and I can't wait till he's out of office
Yes, I'm hating on Kiamsha alumni who haven't once come back to mentor/help these kids
Yes, I'm hating on Rihanna's new song. WHO IS SHE? I just don't like it!! I'm not hating on the child. I could care less about her.

Yes, I'm hating on Usher and R.Kelly's new song. They could have done better. Point blanck, PERIOD. I'm not hating on them. I love both of them.

On the other hand......

I'm loving lupe fiasco's song "He say, she say" for shedding some light on the "absentee father" and its OBVIOUS affect on today's black youth. "Give them a fighting chance."

I'm loving those who have come back to help and be in the conference
I'm loving the fact that David has RSVP'd for the Saturday Academy Alumni program this weekend. I haven't seen him in a while. Now if we could just see John.



Everything is looking good. I had a great weekend last weekend. I took some friends that had recently moved to the city down to the Washington, monument, the reflection pool and then down to Adams Morgan. On Saturday i went to visit my friend who is now a WONDERFUL friend, there was a crab feast (mmmm) and then I went to see oceans 11. On Sunday, my friend came over again and we watched movies and did my homework. :-)

Now I'm getting to work and my mean co-worker is complimenting me, telling me I'm one of the best who has ever worked on the daily newsletter. She's being so sweet, she literally JUST offered me the bagel in the lunch room. what?!?! This is like another world.

Today is our best practices convention and I was the event planner for it. I set the room up for the top executives, but the work orders and food orders in. Everything is working out fine. I messed up on the title of a person on one name tag and that is it.

The only downside to all of this is that i'm sick.... but I can feel myself getting better so even that's a plus. All in all, everything is looking up. No complaints from me


Thank you MH

Isn't it so funyy how that perfect song can change your mood completely. I was opening up blogspot to start releasing pent up stress. I struggled to get the company's daily newsletter out by 10am (the deadline) this morning. I sent it out at 9:59. I couldn't gather enough stories. My heart was beating fast and even after 9:59am I was still out of it.

Immediatly, I opened music player and turned to my song, Hold N' Back bt Marques Houston from his new album Veteren. Completely underated. Don't sleep on it y'all. http://echovibes.imeem.com/music/AMWB0Qlq/hold_n_back_feat_mya_shawnna/

By the time I opened blogspot, and stared at the black section for me to begin composing this post, my whole attitude had changed. Just that quickly. I sighed. I love this song. The music is so sensual.

Why you treat me like you do?

Can it just be me and you?

Cause I don't wanna play no moreIf I let go, you let go

Cause i just cant get enough

And i just wanna feel you touch

But I just gotta know whatsup, wutsup, wutsup

[Verse 1 (Marques Houston)]

Hey girl come here sit down

Lemme holla at you a while

Gotta get this off my chest Hope that you can handle it

We've been seeing each other a lot

Honestly I dont want it to stop

You and me; Me and you

Im liking what we've got

Only thing thats bothering me

We aint as close as we should be

Thats cause your holding backHolding back your love for me

How do you expect to grow if you just dont let go

[Chorus (Marques Houston)]

Hey Why you tryna hold back

Why you tryna hold back

When you know you want it just like I do

Why you acting like that, girl dont do me like that

All Im tryna do is be next to you

Why you tryna hold back

Why you tryna hold back

on me baby

All I want is you stop holdin back on me

[Verse 2 (Mya)]

Dont take offense to this

Not tryna start no mess

Aint tryna have you stressed

This is just a little test

I wanna see how serious

Serious you are of us

Do you like or like me not

Im loving what we've got

Only thing that bothers me

We aint close as we should be

Thats cause your holding back

Holding back you love for me

How do expect this thing to growIf you dont let it go go go go

[Chorus (Mya and Marques Houston)]

Babe Why you tryna hold back

Why you tryna hold back

When you know you want it just like I do

Why you acting like that, girl dont do me like that

All Im tryna do is be next to you

Why you tryna hold back

Why you tryna hold back on me baby

All I want is you stop holdin back on me

[Verse 3 (Shawnna)]

Everytime I get to thinking bout youI see I cant be without you

Cause you that shit, thats it And I really cant leave rite now boo

You my fix, your kiss

Made me bout to let go bout to

But wait right quick cant slipI dont really think your down with this

See I played these games before

And i fall everytime we go

Cause see I cant no more

I move slow but dont really wanna stop the flow

Dont know what to do

Gotta just relax and hold back

Just sit back and roll that, roll that, rolle that

[Chorus (Mya and Marques Houston)]

[Outro (Shawnna)]

Why you treat me like you do?

Can it just be me and you?

Cause i just cant get enough

And i just wanna feel you touch

Wutsup wutsup

Why you treat me like you do?

Can it just be me and you?

Cause i just cant get enough

And i just wanna feel you touch

I just gotta know whatsup, wutsup, wutsup


DRIVING me crazy

This morning I was really excited about everything. I had idea's to throw a party/meet and greet/coctail/brunch THING (lol) but now I'm totally through with it. It always feels like a have these great idea's that i'm sure people would love but I never have the funds to pull them off. Money is always a problem. It defenitely takes money to make money, but I don't have ANY. And i'm not just doing it for the money, I mean I want to do it. Not only will it be fun but will provide a network for young, black, dc urbanites to meet and connect. It would be great. But whatever, i'm about to flush the whole idea down the toilet. Who cares, No one but me anyway.

People always want to see or do great things but never want to do the legwork behind it. Have you found that too? I mean, there are very few people in the world who dedicate themselves to something and are actually dependable when it comes to the hardwork that it takes to get the job done. Who can you count on? No one but yourself. I guess it always happens like that. When you're in the driver's seat the burden falls upon your sholders no matter how many people are in the car. It's your job to navigate through the traffic while everyone else decides to go to sleep. It's not fair but that's how it always happens.

I just wish for once I can meet people who weren't just about talk (talking about ideas, future, etc.) but were about action. I wish for once I can meet people who are just as excited as I am about programs, parties, ideas, to help keep me motivated as well. Where are you? I'm right here. If you're one of those people (a doer and not just a talker) come holler at me, because I want to start doing now, RIGHT NOW!!

...but if that's not you, I guess I'll have to do it by myself. Been doing by myself till now anyway.

(Disclaimer, this has come from years of pent of frustrations including but not limited to BSA, Kiamsha, personal endeavors, whatever)


TiCk tOcK

I'm waiting patiently... tick tock tick tock... for you to come into my life. I know I can't rush it so all I can do is wait... tick tock tick tock... I don't need many I just need one, YOU! So it's time for you to step up to the plate with your tall, sexy, confident, fun-loving self.

I know you'll make me laugh. We'll laugh all the time and you'll have the most beautiful smile. You're oh so fine face will light up, which will in turn send shivers down my spine. You'll be so sweet to me when we're alone, that I know you're just a softy at heart.

When we go out on dates and you show up at my door, you'll make me fall in love with you again. Dressed to perfection, but laid back at the same time; the crisp white shirt accentuating your chocolate skin, white teeth and perfect shape up. Do you know how sexy you are?? I think so but you haven't let it go to your head.

You're a humble guy, not showy with the materials you have but content to just be you... you and me that is. The time we have together will arm us for the time we are apart. Both of us with busy schedules and dreams of our own, but never to much to take away from what's important -- HAVING FUN TOGETHER. That's it, we just want to have fun, wherever we go, whoever we're with.

So I ask you again, what is taking you so long? Because I'm waiting, tick tock tick tock. I waiting, tick tock, patiently for you.



I hate messing up. I think I'm doing something right and SANDRA the witch finds someway for it to be wrong. Is it just me or does she make a big deal out of everything. My co-worker keeps pointing out to me that she talks to me so rudly and that she never spoke to her like that.

Maybe I'm just not doing it right. I don't know. My co-worker says maybe I should speak with Agape (our boss) about Sandra's rude behavior. I don't know, I'm not trying to get anyone in trouble or cause a rift because I still have to work with her. Goodness, I just wish she'd leave me alone. Now that all these SARCs are done maybe I won't have to deal with her as much.

Maybe the reason why she's never spoken rudly to my co-worker because my co-worker is a permanent employee who doesn't have to ask questions and such and I'm just an intern. Who knows. But I know this, my days would be a lot better if Sandra would just CHILL OUT.

Goodness gracious. she get's on my nerves. And for goodness sake, I don't want to go down and pass out the SARCS to Congress on the Hill in 90 degree weather. Just shut up about it, already. Plus my stomach doesn't feel well.


I'm officially 2.1. YES!!!! I can go wherever I want, whenever I want!! You don't know how much of a relief this is for me. I love to be out on the town, having fun, and meeting new people. Yet, the chains of age were holding me back.

Now I'm FREE!!

LOOK FOR ME, young, free, cruisin down the 95 highway, doin what I like to do my way!!!

So, things I have done as a 21 year old:
1. Adams Morgan
2. Got my wristband at the club. lol

Things I will be doing this summer:
1. Going to Jamaica
2. Going to Atlanta to party
3. Going to see Ne-yo at Love on a FRIDAY (21-and-up night)
4. more Adams Morgan
5. ..... anything else I may want to do, HA

I'm so happy, even my witch of a co-worker can't reach me today.

Love you all




I worked out again today!! I really didn't want to work out but my co-worker and I planned to work out together so I couldn't back out. I guess you can call it motivation. Anyway I did 7 minutes on the treadmill and then moved to the machine right next to it (the eliptical) and did about 7 minutes more with a one minute cool down. So that about 15 minutes. Then I did crunches on the ball and some other various kinds.

Now that it's over I'm happy I did it but I really didn't want to.


I'm not stupid

I swear my coworker thinks I'm dumb. She gives me assignments and I never understand what she is talking about or what she wants me to do specifically. If I do understand and don't do it exactly the way she wants it, she questions if I know what I'm doing.

Maybe you arn't explaining it well enough, becuase I dare say I'm pretty intelligent. And if I do ask questions, It's all the better, right? We don't want to get it wrong, do we? Isn't this a team effort? Uggg her smugness is getting to me. I like my other coworker better. She's actually nice and not weird.

Maybe its because my "mean" co-worker is old. Their is just a link that is missing in our communication with each other. We don't get each other. It's a shame that I work with her the most. Oh well. I guess we'll just call this a challenge to overcome.

I WILL be victorious... Uggg... That stupid witch.

I'm an addict

Put simply:


So you know I worked out yesterday. I was proud of myself for working out but I didn't do that great. I did 1 minute of warm up on the treadmill, then I ran up to ten minutes. I walked 5 more minutes and then sprinted the last three minutes. Then I did I variety of crunches.... AND THAT WAS IT.

After that, I went home and ate more food than I usually eat. This included a ice cream float, melted cheese and crackers and chicken alfredo. UGGGG, I defeated everything I worked for. My mother just shook her head.

Food... There is just something about it.

What am I gonna do??


Work Out Plan

Today is the beginning of a new life.
Today I brought my workout clothes so that
Today I can go down to the gym and begin the process of shedding these extra pounds

For years I have complained about getting fat, and for years that's all I've been doing...complaining. Well, now I'm tired of complaining and I'm D*mn sure tired of being fat. I'm going to put my sneakers on and bust my butt on the machines.

My job offers free gym access so I might as well use it while I have the chance. Other people have to pay for the services I am given for free. (God knows I don't have the money to afford a gym membership right now).

Okay. Today I'm going to do cardio... Well, I think I'm going to do some form of cardio everyday. I'll do crunches at home everynight because why waste time doing that at the gym. Hopefully I can see a significant change in a month. By June 22 I want to loose 5-10 pounds. Is that possible???

Target areas: Stomach, Hips, Thighs.

It's time to shed those pounds baby!!