I'll love you when your hair turns gray girl; and i'll still want you when you gain a little weight, girl...

Musiq Soulchild provides the musical accompaniment for this post.

My friend went to visit his girl last night. She’s pretty. Medium to long hair, lighter skin tone and freckles. He was ghastly shocked, however, when she stepped out of the house, and the side of her head was shaved off, with a natural hawk sticking up in the middle.

Talking to him this morning really opened my eyes. I ranted to him, not to be one of those “brainwashed” black men who only like their light-skinned girlfriends to have long hair. In response, he simply asked me if I had seen her picture, which I’m sure he snapped for “evidence.” I had not but I was sure it couldn’t be that bad.

He sent it over and Gasp, her hair was drastically different. You could tell her motivation was the Cassie/J.Davey look (see below. For privacy reasons I will not be uploading her pic). I stared at it for a minute to see if I liked it. Honestly, I didn’t but I shot it off to j.a.c to see if maybe something was wrong with me. She liked it. “well she's a cute girl so that helps. she's wearing her hairstyle with confidence and sometimes no matter what the hairstyle looks like, confidence is all you need to rock it.”

So anyway, because I knew my guy friend, I spent the next 20-30 minutes trying to convince him NOT to stop talking to her. Our convo went something like this (snipet).

Me: some people think that looks good! I'm sure it will grow on you. I've gotta see it in person! It may look better. It may grow on me.
Him: i dont know bout that, its crazy
Me: don't be a jerk and stop talking to her. I will beat you up. I know you are not that shallow.
Him: lol ill see
Me: wow.. you really are that shallow.
Him: No I’m not
Me: you're lucky my work phone is not letting me call 240 right now for some reason. lol. You know I was about to call you!
Him: Good, cuz I don’t wanna hear it. LOL
Me: HA HAHAHAH. Here are some pictures of singer j.davey & cassie. Both rock the hawk
Him: lol and that’s where she got it from, they look a mess.
Me: well at least she's edgy. We gotta give her credit for that.
Him: if u wanna call it that. she just looks so different now.

And that’s when I finally got it. My friend is no different than every other guy out here who suffers from the “This is not what I signed up for” syndrome. For example when after two people get married, the woman begins to pick up weight, or stops updating her wardrobe, or seizes to wear makeup. Most men have serious problems with it.

I remember talking to MJ one day and he explained that guys have to be attracted to the girl and think she’s beautiful if they decide to be with her. There is no “well she has SWAG and that kinda makes her cuter.” NO, either she is or she isn’t. And if she isn’t, than for most guys, there is no need for a relationship.

My other friend DG said, “I don’t know why girls haven’t figured this out yet. Stay in the gym and get your hair done. It’s that simple. We don’t ask for much, but yall just don’t get it.” When I said, well we have a lot to do/pay for; nails, accessories, etc. He said, Ain’t nobody tell you to do all that. Men know that girls like a certain type of body, so what do we do? We go to the gym. It’s that simple.”

So, I say all that to say, if a women changes her look mid-relationship, this can potentially cause a serious problem. But should women while stating their wedding vows pledge to “love, cherish, and never change as long as we both shall live?” On the other hand, it is important to please your mate. What do we do.

What is your take on this conundrum?

("Just as long as your love don't change." - Musiq Soulchild fades out.)


MJ said...

It is what it is...

Some women, and men alike get into relationships and then just don't care anymore.

Case and point... One sister told me that she has been thinking of going natural, but decided to wait until after she got married(apparently her processed hair was just bait for a man), then she was going to cut all her hair off because there is nothing her husband could do about it... That's exactly the mentality that kills us men the most.

Kara said...

Lol nice blog

I believe a woman should do whatever it is that makes HER happy…if that means changing her look…so be it! If you love me…you’ll accept it. You may not like it, but I hope you would appreciate my individuality and why I chose to do it in the first place…FOR ME!

AND we’re not even married…puh-leeze…

That’s a good idea…every woman in a relationship should change their look drastically to see if her man really loves her for who she is….lol....i might try that out on the next go round….lol

j.a.c. said...

i wish a man would tell me that they're going to stop liking me because i changed my hair. but then again, if i picked a man who would have it in him to say something like that, maybe something was wrong with me. but that's another blog for another time.

i definitely wouldn't SHOCK my man into it. before he marries me he will know that one day my hair will be long and the next it might be no longer than 1.5 inches. i'm not totally unreasonable either tho. i always ask whoever i'm with what hair style looks best on me. (i have pics of ALL hairstyles i've had in the past.) i may not jump and change to that hairstyle, but i'll definitely keep it in mind for him.

but the bigger issue is change. change is good, but you also have to remember that men are physical and visual. i'm not trying to have issues like that with my future husband, pointedly because it's dumb. there are so many other things to argue about! lol. so yeah, i'll keep it tight and right, not just for him, but for MY health. if i'm taking care of myself and remaining happy, then i'm sure he'll love it because he loves me.

Anonymous said...

Since when did it become wrong to have preferences! I personally like long hair. I am simply not a huge fan of women with short hair. I will admit some women look beautiful with short hair and they are generally able to pull it off just fine. But for the most part I am mostly attracted to women with hair that is longer. I really can not help it, it is just what I am attracted to. Of course the rules in a relationship change the situation. Yor blogging buddy MJ is absolutely right guys do have to be attracted to the girl and think she’s beautiful in order to be with her.But as the relationship progresses there should be a deeper foundation and appreciation for the person as a human. The fact is humans change we age, it becomes more difficult to maintain the rock hard body that may have hooked the other person. Your mate should accept you for you. In a relationship however both parties feelings need to be considered

I do agree with j.a.c. If a guy who you are in a serious relationship with looses feelings towards you then perhaps it was best that you find out his true charecter.I believe that there is somebody for everybody. Someone that is mature eniough to love you when you are not at your best. Someone who is willing to stick by and take care of you when times do not seem the best. That is love that is someone you should be investing energy into.

I hated the hair style. I would hope my mate would repect me enough to discuss with me before doing something this extreme.

MJ said...

I agree with Ant and JAC...

Like JAC said, she would keep herself tight for her own HEALTH and sanity, which is how it should be.

My comments on said day were speaking of a trend that I have realized among many sisters in the organization, one that promotes "letting go" after the marriage vows... Thats just so messed up.

Of course the brother shouldn't stop loving his mate because she isn't as small as before, or her hair isn't as neat as it used to be... But at the same time, to let go just because you are lazy is simply unloving, unkind, and wrong.

T.C. said...

i can definitely see where everyone is coming from...

everyone has the right to preferences...and people have the right to change their style and to change how they look and feel...

sometimes LIFE happens and you can't keep it right keep it tight...for example i have a homegirl that was always ON POINT until she had her son at 24 weeks...for over a year she was back and forth and in and out of the hospital, her husband didn't see her made up, she gained weight, and honestly just looked a down right MESS...
are they still together? YES
did she eventually get herself back to herself ? YES
was it rocky for a while? YES

point is LIFE HAPPENS! So to expect that someone will meet your physical and visual needs ALL the time isn't realistic...

if you do what is BEST for you and your health and to make YOU a happy person than it will shine through and your partner will be happy...to a certain extent relationships and love are about compromise...if you KNOW you man doesn't like SHORT hair and has seen pics of you with short hair and doesn't think its becoming why cut it...do a bob compromise...

like jac said there are other things to argue about...

at my age and in my point in my life shaving half my head isn't an option, although if i was in college or younger it would have BEEN gone...so you know different strokes for different folks