I had one of those mornings that you only see in the movies.
I parked my car at the metro parking garage and began walking down to the subway station. By some coincidence, I happened to look at the back of my stockings. EEEK! To my surprise I had four or five runs creeping up the back of my leg. I ran back to the car and contemplated stripping out of my tights even though it was barely 40 degrees outside and I had on peep-toe pumps without any nail polish (a definite no no). After baring down I walked back to the metro station attempting to ignore the stares of other commuters who were obviously thinking “Is she crazy, it is not that warm outside.” Finally, the doors open and I opt to sit at the seat behind a glass barrier to hide my bare legs.
30 minutes later I finally make it to my stop and immediately began searching for a CVS downtown. I have to find some tights ASAP! I call my office because by this time I am more than 5 minutes late and ask for directions to the closest CVS. Brenda gives me some very sketchy directions to a CVS supposedly around the corner and I start off in search of it. After two or three blocks of searching without any success I decide it’s time to ask someone.
“Those are some pretty legs.”
Shoot!!! It’s the homeless man sitting outside the coffee shop drawing attention to me. I say thank you politely and attempt to move on but CAN YOU BELIEVE this man starts yelling after me shouting more “compliments.”
Ignoring him I finally spot a woman to ask directions.
“The CVS that was up this street is no longer open,” she says. “The closest CVS is on 8th and E.” I am on 5th and G. The CVS is three blocks up and two blocks over. SIGH. I turn back around and trek up the street. Once again ignoring the stares while my toes begin to freeze (remember, I am wearing peep-toe pumps).
“Those are some pretty legs.” It’s him again. “I would love, I mean do anything to sleep with those legs…….…..”
Finally, I make it to the CVS and find the perfect pair of jet-black, smooth tights. They feel great. After I purchase them I ask if there is a restroom for customers. Of course there isn’t. I head back up the street and spot a Starbucks. As I pass I remember all Starbucks have a restroom. I head straight towards it. LOCKED. Restrooms are for Starbucks customers only. So, I purchase a white chocolate mocha and grab the key. I change into my tights before leaving and throw all the extra materials I am carrying such as the CVS bag, receipt, newspaper, etc. into the trash.
Finally, I head back to my job, three blocks up and two blocks over. By this time35 minutes have passed. “Not too bad,” I say to myself while sipping my white mocha. Dang, the barrister forgot the whipped cream. Oh well. Once I reach the front of my building I search for my ID badge. Hmmm, it’s not in my pocket and definitely not in my hand. “Gosh, please don’t do this to me.” It’s not in my purse either. Just GREAT! Maybe I threw it away with the newspaper. So I head back to Starbucks….. three blocks up and two blocks over.
On the way back I take a glimpse in the dark window of the building next to me and see my reflection. Dangnabit! Are you kidding me, my hair has frizzed on the right side of my head and the right side ONLY (It is rainy and humid outside, while still being cold). I washed my hair last night and woke up extra early to flat iron it…. For nothing!!!
I make it back to the Starbucks, grab the key and dig (I mean literally, into the trash can). Nada but I do find the receipt to CVS. It has the business number on it. I grab my cell out my bag and dial…. automated. I press all the wrong options and it takes me three tries to finally reach someone. It’s there!!! Finally, a break! I head up the block back to CVS and grab my ID.
I exit CVS and begin my trek, 3 blocks down and two blocks over. It is now 9:00am. Searching for my tights took one hour. I make it my cube and plop into my seat.
“It’s Jay,” I say to my boss. “You would not believe my morning. I will come down there to tell you all about it but I just called to let you know I’m in.”
It’s only Monday.